We love in our hearts and think in our brains. Intuition begins in the gut and weather forecasts in our joints. We even believe with every fiber of our being. But do you know what part of the body we use to find things? Is it our eyes, our brain, or maybe our fingers?
Nope. According to Pennsylvania folklore, we use our uterus to find things. That is why men can't do it and why, when we lived in PA, it was not uncommon to hear something along these lines: "Ever since my hysterectomy, I can never find my car keys."
My uterus has been in charge of looking for things ever since.
Today Peter couldn't find some mail. He remembered setting it down a couple weeks ago "somewhere special" so he wouldn't lose it. He just couldn't remember where this special spot was hiding. I would have helped him look, but I was busy doing other important things, like reading blogs and checking Facebook. I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal; it was only the soon-to-be-overdue renewal of his State Medical License.
So he looked and I ... sat at the computer. And he looked and I ... loaded the dishwasher. And he looked and I ... picked the kids up from school. And he looked and I ... sat at the computer again.
A couple hours later, panic was beginning to build and there was real threat of the house being torn apart. I finally decided I might be a little sad (and hungry) if my husband lost his ability to work. Besides, I'd finished reading blogs for the moment. So I got up, walked to our bedroom, and found it in a pile of papers on our dresser. A piece of mail I'd never seen in a pile I'd never noticed before. It took less than thirty seconds.
"Don't worry," I said as I brought them back downstairs, "Maybe someday you can grow a uterus, too."
"Thanks," he replied, "Can you find me an envelope?"
Nope. According to Pennsylvania folklore, we use our uterus to find things. That is why men can't do it and why, when we lived in PA, it was not uncommon to hear something along these lines: "Ever since my hysterectomy, I can never find my car keys."
My uterus has been in charge of looking for things ever since.
Today Peter couldn't find some mail. He remembered setting it down a couple weeks ago "somewhere special" so he wouldn't lose it. He just couldn't remember where this special spot was hiding. I would have helped him look, but I was busy doing other important things, like reading blogs and checking Facebook. I mean, it wasn't that big of a deal; it was only the soon-to-be-overdue renewal of his State Medical License.
So he looked and I ... sat at the computer. And he looked and I ... loaded the dishwasher. And he looked and I ... picked the kids up from school. And he looked and I ... sat at the computer again.
A couple hours later, panic was beginning to build and there was real threat of the house being torn apart. I finally decided I might be a little sad (and hungry) if my husband lost his ability to work. Besides, I'd finished reading blogs for the moment. So I got up, walked to our bedroom, and found it in a pile of papers on our dresser. A piece of mail I'd never seen in a pile I'd never noticed before. It took less than thirty seconds.
"Don't worry," I said as I brought them back downstairs, "Maybe someday you can grow a uterus, too."
"Thanks," he replied, "Can you find me an envelope?"
You have a magical unicorn uterus.
ReplyDeleteI've never thought of my remarkable finding powers being linked to my uterus!
ReplyDeleteHa! I love it. And this could so totally happen at my house. Next time it does, I'm giving all of the credit to my uterus.
ReplyDeleteTHIS explains oh so very much. Really, truly.
ReplyDeleteA-men. I have told my husband and the kids that if I ever get LOST, Dad is NOT allowed to look for me by himself, because I will certainly die. No, he is to call all of my girls friends to help find me. the end.
ReplyDeleteI love it! I am sooo using this as an excuse from now on. Does that mean that while pregnant and one's uterus is HUGE, finding things should be even easier? Maybe next time Peter should just grab one of his daughters and use them like a divining rod...he'll be led right to what he's looking for!
ReplyDeleteHmmm, maybe I'll rethink that hysto.
ReplyDeleteOh, Charlotte, after reading several of your blog posts this morning, I'm in such a better mood! Thanks for that! I've laughed until I've cried. My uterus found my husband's keys in the pantry, his wallet in the refrigerator, and his shoes in the dog bed. I used to tell the kids, "If I find it, can I beat you?"
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I've never heard that one before, even in all my years here in PA. (It definitely sounds like some PA Dutch folklore, though.)
ReplyDeleteDoes that work before the owner of the uterus hits puberty? :)
ReplyDeleteDidn't he get mad that you didn't help him sooner? Dad never take that long to ask me for help. I dont know about the uterus thing being a help because I lost mine years ago.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, no one can find things around here. My uterus must be defective (but don't tell my kids that).
ReplyDeletePlain awesome.
ReplyDeletePlease explain to me why my husband can find ANYTHING that is lost.
ReplyDeleteI am, however, the one who just knows where stuff is. This is true.
Snort! It's so true. And I'm glad I read this post- my business sales taxes need to be in the mail by the end of the month. Luckily, I have a uterus so I know right where I stashed the paperwork!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this!!
ReplyDeleteHilarious. I'm fairly certain my uterus isn't very fond of my cuz I'm not all that adept at finding things...
ReplyDeleteAlso, just read your 'about you' section. Holy cow---6 kids before 30! That's the way to go. I'm getting close to 30 and have no kids. I have a goal to at least be pregnant before 30 but I suppose I should get married first:)
I love this post. LOVE.IT.
ReplyDelete