Do you have that place, the graveyard where your old ideas lie? Some lived a long and helpful life but succumbed to ever changing circumstances, others never made it past their infancy, dying before ever really living. And then there are the haunting ones: the ideas that would have grown into greatness, if they hadn't been starved and neglected to their death. Such is the graveyard of mothering theories and ideas. I completely and totally understand John Wilmot, "Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories." In fact a copy of that quote sits on my fridge. I remember all my "I will never.." and "I will always..." and "the only way to...".
What I didn't account for was that those darn kids would have different personalities and had to be treated individually. On top of that, I completely ignored my own ability to adapt and learn; I wouldn't be the same person my entire life. I supposed I could keep all the same rules and regulations with all the kids because I knew the right direction before I started the journey. Didn't account for my preconceived misconceptions, that I would have to take corrective action on my mistakes to correct my course. I missed that the path of parenting is not so much straight as it is a labyrinth.
I don't think this is a product of my youthful beginnings (in fact I've noticed that those who wait longer seem to have planned out their path more fully and find it harder to change their course or even recognize they are in a maze). I do think adding so many unique personalities to our family helped me recognize the bewilderingly complex nature of parenting more quickly.
So in the celebration of Mother's Day I thought I'd spend some posts allowing you to tour my own personal graveyard of mothering theories and ideas. The good, the bad, and the silly. Some ideas are still thriving, others are better left resting in peace. I hope you enjoy.
You are one of my parenting heroes, I can't wait to see some of your parenting theories - particularly any that worked!
ReplyDeleteI groan internally every time I see my children do one of those things I said "I will never allow", or frankly, anytime I feed them chicken nuggets.
Great idea -- and I LOVE the title!
ReplyDeleteI've been really surprised at how quickly the few theories I had flew out the window. But I think you're so right about starting young- if I still didn't have any kids I would have spent the time building up judgements and vowing not to do certain things- and that would only exponentially increase my daily guilt for doing those things.
ReplyDeleteI always tell people "I was the perfect parent until I had kids"
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read about the theories that worked!
ReplyDeleteThe iPod cake looks really cool, by the way. I'm curious about the girl chatter. All I hear about are light sabers, the Wii, and bodily functions at my house.
I always cringe at the term bodily functions having been a Bodily twenty one years of my life. Can't wait to see your theories good and bad. I will never reveal mine.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great idea for posts! I wonder what theories it will cause me to revisit. The most frequently changed one for me would be the job chart. Those never seem to last very long.
ReplyDeleteThis post made me think of the people with only one or two kids--or none at all--who like to give me advice on parenting. It used to bug me, but now I realize that they have no conception of how different children's personalities can be! My parenting theories have been affected by my children's personalities, ages, and phases, by my increasing fatigue, which is probably due to.../and by the sheer number of my children. ("Sheer" makes it sound like more than five, but five is certainly enough to wear me out!)
Oh man. I hate teaser posts. Good think you are more consistent than me! Can't wait to see what you have to say.
ReplyDeleteOoh! I can't wait...maybe one or two or a hundred of us could resurrect those dead ideas and use them for our gain! I have a notebook full of creative ideas like that (I was never ambitious enough to plan out my parenting, just crafts.) I now look back at all the projects that never were and think "What in the world was I thinking?" Perhaps it would be the same with parenting had I thought of it before.
ReplyDeleteI was convinced that babies did not need any mother "substitutes". Obviously, as their mother, I could provide everything they needed. Why have a swing if my arms were open? Why I even made my own wipes for my first's sweet little bum. Mfirst two children did not use pacifiers at all. The 3rd one did starting with a 12 hour car ride at 3 weeks. The 4th one did too. Live and learn.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest thing though, was learning to keep my opinions about mothering to myself. I have very strong opinions about a lot of things, but I finally learned that only a few people want to hear them. That's why I blog :)