Could I Possibly be Enjoying my Summer? Shhh, It's a Secret

You want to know a secret? I'm reluctant to tell, as it will probably damage my street credz (even more than using the term "street credz" does), but I can't hold it in any longer, I am bursting to confess: I am enjoying my summer with my children.

There, I said it. I will take whatever punishment deemed worthy by my peers. I know, I know. I'm supposed to be counting down the days till school starts. I'm supposed to be locking myself in the bathroom or desperately hunting for any last minute openings in day long camps. But I am not; I am enjoying (almost) every moment.

We didn't go on any vacations, no overnights in hotels, but we have attended the zoo, museums, forts, amusement parks (post still to come, I promise), fire works, bowling, free movies, parks, libraries, friends' houses, & swimming pool. We've braved injuries, hunted bathrooms, and survived broken appliances.

More importantly, we've cuddled on the couch with a book (cuddle may not be the right word for 4 children trying to see the pictures). We've gone on the beach almost every day. We've sang silly songs, explored our backyard, and tried to make ourselves crack up with ridiculous jokes. Summer has filled with the magic of these things, I can feel it permeating our days, forming marvelous out of ordinary.

If you ask me later, I will tell you the kids are driving me crazy. I can't wait to have more peace in my day and reorganize my summer-disastered house. And I won't be lying. I do desperately need a day to myself. Besides, I know the proper way to talk about being a mother of young children, I will not fail. These things are also true, and it is the face often put before the world.

But the magical part- the kisses on my cheek, heart stealing smiles, discreet looks to see if I'm watching performances of feats, contended sighs and exhausted relaxation- I treasure. And, being so precious, I often keep them for myself, to ponder in my heart alone. Throwing out to the public the lesser parts- the stress, craziness, bickering, exhaustion, worry, insanity. I feel no need to describe to my friends the magic of motherhood: it is mine to keep, as I assume it is theirs.

I wonder if there are people who somehow misunderstand motherhood. Do they only see the surface complaints, not understanding the depths underneath? In keeping it unstated, I wonder if it somehow remains hidden to some. I hope not. It just isn't always easily spoken, these memories gathered moment by moment. They mostly remain unconfessed, stored in a mother's heart. If you listen carefully you can often hear it in the undercurrent when mothers converse.

Not all summers have been as wonderful as this one. Every year I look forward its ending with varying degrees of anticipation, dependant on various factors. But this summer has happened to contain more enchantment than usual. I am enjoying my summer with my children.

If you tell anyone, I'll break your pinkie toes.