Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Learning to balance the teenager line

It must have been quite late, that night several months ago, when the creeping footsteps woke me. I could feel her in the room, hesitating by my bedside, hoping to not startle me awake.

"What do you need?" I mumbled, still half asleep.

"Matthew just threw up. I've started a bath for him and stripped the sheets. I'll wash him off, remake the bed and clean it all up. I just remembered running water in the middle of the night often wakes you, and I didn't want you to worry when you heard it."

I felt instant relief as I sank back into dreamland. My teenager seemed to grasp what needed done and had it under control. My precious sleep time could be preserved.

Just as I hit the brink of oblivion, a thought jolted me back; I suddenly remembered that I am the mother. She was a good-hearted teenage girl who still needed sleep before facing a full day of middle school. Just because she is willing to take on responsibility doesn't mean I should make her. So I sighed as I forced my body fully awake. I thanked her for being so kind to her youngest sibling, and sent her off to bed while I headed down to take care of a sick preschooler.



I know I lucked out with my teenagers. So far, they still like my husband and me. In fact, they still model their behavior on us. I guarantee you if I'd heard how she comforted her brother that night, it would've been exactly what I'd say. They crave responsibility and often thrive on it.

My struggle is finding the balance. Where is the line between teaching them to be a grown up and letting them be a kid a while longer?

The hard thing is I suspect that darn line is moving around. Not only is it vastly different for every child and age, it is different from day to day. Sometimes it's movement can be measured in minutes. At times, I realize I've heaped too much responsibility on and other times I've let the load become too light. Tracking our proximity to this child-teenager-adult line is often near impossible.

But even I knew midnight sick duty for a four-year-old jumped far over the line. Despite what my sleep addled mind whispered in the moment.

Dinner tonight, however, will be up for you-should-know-how-to-do-this grabs.

Photobucket

24 comments:

  1. You have a real keeper there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AWwww this story is so touching. I miss your kids so much (and you too. :P ) You are doing a wonderful job with them. The only thing I can say is just keep on doing what you're doing, and let them be who they are. They are great kids, and they know what's right. They'll only thrive with responsibilities. Thanks for sharing this story.

    ReplyDelete
  3. you are a great mom! what a sweetheart girl you have there :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mom-of-the-year award for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. You are doing great with her (and all your kids) I am glad to have you as an example for the coming years.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Sounds like you're doing it all right, because that is one very responsible child you have there! I don't know about balance, I struggle with that word everyday as a parent and as a working mom.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh how I love the teenage Elise. She has always been such a good girl. Wish we lived closer. Love you

    ReplyDelete
  8. Great kids reflect great parents.

    ReplyDelete
  9. WOW. What an amazing kid! I can only dream that my kids will turn out that way!

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are obviously doing a fantastic job, and that line is always moving no matter the age/stage of the child. It's one, big balancing act!

    ReplyDelete
  11. This one made me cry. What a sweet amazing girl you have there. I hope hope hope that when my boys get older, they will have that kind of love..and that maybe I can stay in my bed.

    p.s. she is so pretty! Great picture!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thank you for updating, I was staring to have withdrawails...yes that's what I ment.

    I think you have to gauge every child differently. Some kids can handle a lot, some cannot.

    Case in point, and I don't mean to slam on the Duggars, but I think what they make their older kids do, basically raising each baby as the mother has a new baby, is wrong.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I don't mean to sound flippant, but I have an out of town husband, and a puking two year old. Can I borrow your teenager?

    Seriously though, as my nine year old starts on what I suspect might be a rocky path, I'm going to need all the help I can get!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I just read 2 pukey blogs in a row (not a comment on the writing quality, just the story content) and I'm feeling a tad green...

    I love when teenagers SHOCK me with their helpfulness... it almost makes up for those other moments... y'know THOSE moments...

    ReplyDelete
  15. I did a double take with my own pre-teen today. I finally figured out how much she and her sister have accumulated in debt to me. When I told her to take a seat so she wouldn't fall over in shock at the total of $75.35, she said, "Is that all?" We went to the bank, she withdrew the amount from her babysitting savings, and she said, "Good! Now I'm out of debt." Why am I hearing adult words and responsibility from my 12-year-old?!

    The balancing line is tricky and a bit scary, but I'm really enjoying the people my oldest children are becoming.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am glad you've got such a wonderful and caring teen. Despite what some would have us believe, not all teens are nightmares!

    I've had those moments too. Last summer we were at a park and my youngest tripped and skinned her knee. While I looked around blankly trying to figure out where to find some napkins and whatever else I'd need, my 10 year old daughter whips out a band-aid from her purse! I turned back around just in time to see HER solving MY problem. I'm the Mom, why didn't *I* think to have Band-aids in my purse!?

    ReplyDelete
  17. Wow, that's awesome! She's definitely a keeper :) I was a pretty easy teen for my parents too. I remember one time being offended when I saw a "How to raise your teen" book on my mom's desk. Maybe indignant is the better word...

    ReplyDelete
  18. Man, we miss you guys. What a pretty girl she is. I love having friends that are a few steps ahead of me in the parenting game...it's kind of like having a cheat sheet.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Pretty wonderful girl.Nice shots.Plz do pass by my blog on freeing your mind, follow and comment to improve my works too.Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Wow. I can only hope and pray that my kids turn out like that. Plan on teaching any parenting classes? I could use a few tips!

    ReplyDelete
  21. What a great girl. Send her here to do a little training for my kids. And that line... I think it is invisible.

    ReplyDelete
  22. You've got to love it when your kids step up to the plate and say, "I'm responsible." It makes all the other days seem worthwhile. Well, maybe. Okay, yes, it does.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I always find that I am surprised by how grown up she is and she is always good at taking care of her siblings.

    ReplyDelete