Monday, May 16, 2011

Thoughts on My Cleaning Day

I woke this morning with a jarring thought: I hadn't charged my cell phone. Most days it wouldn't be a big deal, but this is Cleaning Day. The only things that keeps Cleaning Day tolerable are podcasts loaded on my phone.  Instead, today, I was forced to keep company with my own thoughts.  Here is a sampling:

What is that smell?

How many children used the toilet before any attempt was made to flush?

Did we pack the plunger when we moved?

I shouldn't have bought chocolate when I ran to the store for a plunger.

Having kids has really given me a chance to practice my gag reflex.

Is every dish/spoon/cup/utensil I own dirty?

How creatively can I load the dishwasher to get them all in one load?

Who ate chips in the bathtub?

 What is that noise coming from the dryer?*

How many sunflower seeds could possibly be hidden in a pair of baseball pants?

What is the best way to get toothpaste out of carpet?

I concede, it will be a two dishwasher load day.

If I saved everything I swept off the floor, how long would it take to fill my entire bathtub?

 I wonder if my sister realizes her kid's shoes are here?

Better text her to let her know. Where is my cell phone?

You'd think I would've plugged it in when I first remembered it was dead.

Who took my charger AGAIN?!?

I really hate cleaning toilets.

Why am I feeling lightheaded? Oh yeah, all I've eaten today is that candy bar.

I think I can ignore the playroom closet one more week.

Redbox? Redbox?!? When did we last get a Redbox?

Is it worth keeping it one more night to watch since we already wasted $5 to see it?

Why does ~censored to prevent future embarrassment~ only have two pair of underwear in the wash this week?

The kids are already home from school? But I'm not done yet!

After that I am pretty much brain dead. Or maybe I've blocked the memory of what the kids did to the house after they got home.

Rest assured, I will not forget to plug in my cell phone before the next Cleaning Day. Alone with my thoughts is not a fun place to be when I'm cleaning.

*All things really happened today except this one, which happened last Monday. But I was still cleaning seeds up off the laundry room floor today.


  1. Okay, this is one of my most favorite posts ever! Scary thing is, I've had a lot of those similar thoughts!

  2. I played a couple of rounds of "what's that smell?" today myself (household is two adult humans, one cat, one bird).

    One smell turned out to be a cat with poor litterbox aim and apparently some tummy upset. I did feel sorry for him, but the smell had me pretty queasy while I was cleaning the rim of the box and the floor next to it.

    The other turned out to be some former oranges that had been forgotten amid counter clutter (grumble). They're not supposed to be blue and fuzzy, right? :)

  3. If you ever wanted to scare someone out of having kids, this post would come pretty close!!! :)

  4. That is funny--I too have a child who has a shocking lack of underwear in each laundry day.

  5. Oh goodness! Sounds like you had a productive day.
    With Clint recuperating, a whole lot of cleaning inside has been getting done. (What does that say about me, I wonder?)
    My Saturday started like that, and then I passed out for 3 hours. And then every time I sat down I fell asleep again.
    Again, I don't know how you do it with all of those kids!

  6. I am debating whether to sympathize or just break out into laughter...


    sorry, the laughter won out :)

  7. You and I must live in parallel universes...

  8. Oh my -- laughing so hard! I've been looking for a smell for two weeks!

  9. I will selflessly offer to let you come clean our place. Since we don't have kids, it will be like a vacation for you!

  10. This made me laugh so hard! I never thought about using an ipod while I clean. I would probably be a much nicer person!

  11. My iPod/phone is vital to cleaning, seriously. You need a dock with speakers in your kitchen. That is what I have, so then at least if nothing else I can start in the kitchen and listen on the speakers (which also charge it) and then when the kitchen is done I usually have enough charge to get through the bathrooms or something else.

  12. Seriously? It would take you more than one cleaning day to fill the tub with your dustpan's contents? You have it made! ;o)

    I know this is old fashioned, but since I don't have an iPod/phone, I just turn up the speakers on my computer and listen to streaming, downloaded books, or archived radio broadcasts while I clean. (BYU's Thinking Aloud is often an interesting program, and has its archive online.) Sometimes--gasp--I even listen to a CD!

  13. Ditto on the toilets. . . I keep reminding myself that you have 4 boys, too. I find that I have to scrub the bathroom walls with a clorox wipe a little higher up each time I clean in order to get the smell out of the bathroom. Seriously, what are they aiming at?

  14. Too funny. I have done the same thing, I usually haul my charger room to room with me and listen from my phone speakers. Count your blessing with the underwear. At least there were 2.

  15. I just want to know how you can get away with only having 1 cleaning day!

  16. It's hilarious how universal moms' thoughts are.

    We are all crazy.

  17. Oh, I've so been there.

    I call my sister when I clean. We talk each other through the mess. It helps, unless you're mopping or folding laundry or doing dishes. Then your neck starts to hurt since you can't hold the phone with your hand.

  18. I've avoided this issue by becoming a hoarder. I'm going to just save it all up and have a big blowout cleaning aneurysm complete with cameras to capture the madness.

  19. Hilarious! You cracked me up. I can relate on so many levels. We just payed $5 to redbox for Scooby Doo--uhg.

    And, I think I could easily fill up my bathtub with what I sweep from the floor in about a week. If you count the stuff I pick up, maybe a day. :)

  20. HeeHee, yes my own thoughts scare me too.

    And when I wake up in the morning and know I am going to have a busy day and I have forgotten to charge my precious, I mean my cell phone, I get pretty shaky.

  21. Yes, the only way I do housework is with podcasts. I understand your dilemma! If I were left to my thoughts...I don't even want to think about it.

  22. Hilarious! Housework is definitely better with something to listen to.

  23. So. Hilarious.
    I think many of the exact same thoughts every Friday when I clean and do laundry. Especially the only 2 pairs of underwear thing. What is up with kids!?!?

  24. Ha ha! The underwear thing is confusing me, particular child only seems to have a couple pair in the wash each week. Hmmm.

  25. Love this post!

    What are your favorite podcasts?