I have this problem: I'm pretty sure I've been cursed somehow. I don't recall opening any mummy's graves or trespassing a haunted house, but after 6 kids my memory is stunningly horrible so I can't rule it out. Just look at the facts, they are convincing.
It all started a few weeks ago, when my friend told me about a salt shaker she accidentally didn't pay for when she left the store. She wasn't sure if she should bring it back and sneak it back on the shelf, bring it to checkout and let them ring it up, or just ask if they would add the price to her total the next time she visited. I chuckled at her dilemma and shared sometimes-being-honest-stinks stories. Upon leaving her house, I went to the store. Where my son tried to hide a little toy in his pocket. After the lecture about stealing was completed and I was putting the groceries into the car, I found- not one but- two items hiding under my purse. So I grabbed the kids, re-reviewed the still fresh lecture, went in and paid for the offending items. (I went through the self-checkout line to avoid the you-came-back-in-to-pay-for-something-you-got-away-with?" look on the cashier.)
I know what you're thinking: one odd incidence does not a curse make, but just wait. A few days later we had a chili cook off at church. A friend of mine told me they were on the lookout for their slow cooker lid since they came home with the wrong one last year. I laughed and laughed. How do you come home with the wrong slow cooker lid? Well, guess what happened when I came home and went to wash mine? Yep. Totally the wrong lid. It fits, but is kind of small. I'm still not sure how it is possible, but I no longer doubt it can happen. Perhaps our congregation has a slow cooker lid kleptomaniac?
Now I don't know about you, but I'm starting to notice a trend. You'd think I would've been more careful a few days later when my sister told me her daughter tried to cut her hair. Lest there be confusion, I mean my niece tried to cut my sister's hair. I almost fell out of my chair laughing at the thought of my 3 year old niece wielding scissors on my sister's long beautiful blond hair, "I've heard (or experienced) many kids cutting hair experiences, but never a kid cutting their mom's hair!" The very next day my boys wanted to "do my hair" and somehow in the pulling and clipping, my two year old grabbed some scissors. Luckily he isn't too practiced yet, he only cut wisps off before I recognized the sound of scissors cutting.
So now you see my problem. I am unable to laugh at others' misfortune without a repeat in my life. This is very hard because I find others' misfortune highly entertaining. So please, until I find a solution, don't tell me any funny or ridiculously improbable stories. I will, however, take any stories involving houses spontaneously cleaning, kids miraculously going to bed without trouble or husbands coming home with chocolate. Maybe, just maybe, I can turn this curse into a blessing.