Sunday, August 8, 2010

The only thing to fear is fear itself ... and escalators

I've managed to keep it a secret for many years, but a couple weeks ago I was forced to reveal a phobia I've held onto since childhood. After 15 years together, I finally admitted to my husband my deep and abounding fear . . . of escalators.

Don't judge me. Can't you see the evil emanating from escalators with their mechanized movement and unnaturally quick and effort free ability to move from floor to floor? I'll show you pictorial proof.



Can't you see it now?

I'm pretty sure the whole thing started from the horror stories my parents told me a child. "If you wait 1/4 second too long to step off, the escalator will suck you down and eat your leg, then you will be sent directly to hell where you will be forced to balance on erratically height shifting surfaces for the rest of eternity" *  At least I think that is what they taught me; I'm sure my mind didn't escalate the warning over time.

But really, someone coordinationally challenged like myself has a lot to fear from that moving staircase of terror. Step on the line and suddenly you're stuck with only half a footing. Let's be honest, I struggle to keep balance with all of a footing on a stationary stairway. I mean I have never on my life been able to catch the timing of double dutch ropes and I'm expected to step with both feet between two evenly spaced lines?

As a grown up I've learned to live with my eccentric fears, I ride escalators all the time with only a momentary pause to gather my strength, double check the speed of the escalator, take a deep breath, and take the leap of faith. My stomach only slightly lurches every time that flat pathway pops up into stairs beneath my feat. After years of practice, I can now step off at the end with only a slight exaggeration.

Watching my kids ride sans my help, however, has intensified my deepest escalator related fears. Lately, for some odd reason, my 13 and 12-year-olds have decided they don't want to hold my hand on the mall escalator. Who am I kidding? Even my 3-year-old insists he doesn't need my help.  As I call out to remember to step off before the belt attempts to eat their toes, they often pretend I'm some crazy stranger. 

They are going to give me a heart attack, stepping on those things without so much as "one, two, three, STEP."

By the way, my husband found this heartfelt confession hilarious. Complete with chuckle and eye roll.  He found it nearly as funny as when I told him I'm afraid of getting prostate cancer or looking like a tourist (while touring someplace on vacation) or that I fear a serial killer might one day sneak in, wait in our closet, then kill us while we're sleeping.

Strangely enough he's scared of having cold water dumped on him in the middle of a shower. Of course, his fears are grounded in reality...

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*Technically as a child I remember hearing about a man at the store where my father worked did have his legs amputated (or were they crushed?) while fixing an escalator.  Or something like that.  So my parents did tell me some form of terror story about escalators.

36 comments:

  1. I actually don't think is a super uncommon fear. Sort of like being afraid of really scary things like butterflies and unicorns.

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  2. You're not the only one with this phobia! When I was younger (5-ish), I was watching some news show with my parents about freak accidents and there was a little child that fell at the bottom of the escalator and the string that was attached to their hooded sweatshirt got caught and was beginning to suffocate them because this string just happened to be around their neck at the time. It was all caught on video (mall security cams, I'm assuming) and I can still see everyone rushing to the child and panicking trying to find a way to turn it off. Unfortunately, I don't know what happened, whether they got free or died or what. I just remember being mortified and I ALWAYS think of it when I ride any escalator. I'm sure this story doesn't help your fear and may even make it worse, but just know that it is totally justified, and shared.

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  3. I love that you admit to being "ccordiantionally challenged!" I think I'm going to have to use that instead of just branding myself a hopeless klutz. (says the girl who tripped over nothing and permanently damaged cartilege in my knee...)

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  4. escalators I can do... elevators are my problem... I'm always afraid of them opening up to reveal some psychotic killer and I'm trapped with nowhere to hide.

    stupid, probably... but that's the things nightmares are made of around here!

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  5. My mother-in-law is terrified of them, too, and it takes her about 10 seconds to get on one each time. I think it's kinda cute.

    She did see someone get caught in one when she was young... and I would probably be the same way if I had witnessed something scary like that.

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  6. You poor thing. But I hear ya. I'm a little bit scared of elevators. Especially if I'm alone. I'm afraid they are going to get stuck. So I totally understand

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  7. While in Harrod's Store in London, UK, our family was riding the escalator, when my then 3-yr-old daughter's shoe lace got momentarily stuck in it, and she of course fell and got a little scratch--the shoe lace came out with little effort, and she was fine--but there were no fewer than FIVE security guys at our side in 3 seconds. They took an accident report in detail, even tho we assured them she was fine.
    That's the only escalator story I have...it did teach us to be more careful with our shoe laces tho.

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  8. I wasn't scared of them BEFORE reading this post but after reading the comments, I might have to rethink!

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  9. Wow. So, my parents used to tell me a story about a little girl whose hair got caught in the escalator and she was scalped. I'm pretty sure it was scare tactics. Like 80% sure. But I'm with you- they're scary.

    And second, the prostate cancer thing, about two months ago I had to google a prostate because I wasn't sure if it was something I had. My husband laughed at me too.

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  10. I would recommend a giant hamster ball. You'd be a bubble girl. That way, you'd be safe from catching prostate cancer from the serial killer in your closet, and most definately safe from looking like a tourist. And your toes would never be caught in an escalator. That's my $.02.

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  11. This is not an irrational fear. I once fell on the down escalator when I was about 5 at Sears. I refused to go on Down escalors for years after that. I still don't like them much. I'll take the stairs.

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  12. Ha That is very funny. I never had a fear of those things but Dad never liked them. He did see alot of accidents at work. You are so silly. Love you

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  13. I'm terrified of them.

    My fear is grounded in reality though as I once lost a chunk of shoe to one of those suckers!

    I'm sure this helps you feel less fearful...

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  14. I have three things to say:

    1. ucmama, I loved your comment!

    2. I'm surprised how many accidents have been recorded in just the comments here. My own daughter got her palm caught in an elevator door as she was exiting and it pulled her fingers into the wall. A bit scary.

    3. Charlotte, I would love LOVE to see you as a contestant on "Wipe Out"!!!

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  15. They kind of give me the creeps too, ever since I heard about the little girl who fell down right before stepping off and her hair got caught and tangled and pulled into that little space. Eek!

    But I'm sure that would never happen to you or your children ... :)

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  16. I agree with the wipeout part...I will watch your kids so you can go.

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  17. The escalator story I remember is one Mom would always use to try and make me laugh when I was made. "Picture Dad at work on the escalator, his pants get caught and rip right off. It takes him hours to realize he's in his underwear and THAT is why everyone is staring and laughing at him"

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  18. My kids have lived in towns small enough to not have escalators for most of their lives. So it's always amusing when we do have to navigate one. And I'm pretty sure my oldest child has a phobia of them, so you're not alone. (But then, she has a phobia of nearly everything...)

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  19. I had a friend in middle school who had gotten his fingers caught in the railing of an escalator when he was younger and it had crushed the ends. He ended up getting a huge settlement which his parents had put away for his future college…I wanted to get caught in an escalator so badly when I thought of the money.

    When I saw his fingers though…not so much.

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  20. I'm sorry to hear you don't like escalators, I'm quite fond of them! Of course, trying to find one in PA is like trying to find snow in AL.

    Don't ever take the metro in DC to the National Zoo. To get above ground is a nearly-vertical 5-story (I'm guessing) ride!

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  21. At least your fear is of a thing that really exists, Charlotte! I have one that doesn't actually exist in the real world. It's those two-headed dragons and things like that in the kids story books and places. TOTALLY flips me out. And gives my kids good ammunition against me! On the other hand, I look like an idiot...

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  22. FYI.
    Don't sit down on an escalator. It will pinch your bum. It hurts.

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  23. Oh my gosh, I can totally relate to this! I thought I was the only one whose stomach lurches every time I step on one. ;)

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  24. I refuse to get on an escalator with my children. It takes too much coordination and I'm certain we'll all go tumbling.

    On the subject of irrational fears though...I have a phobia (a real life phobia) of frogs.

    See, I thought we could be kindred spirits! LOL
    xo

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  25. At the risk of adding to your fears, my high school BFF did have her toes chewed up on an escalator. So go tell your husband it really happens. And then take the stairs and get some exercise the rest of us avoid when we insist on riding up.

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  26. One of my kids is afraid of escalators too!

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  27. Oh my gosh. Will it make you feel better if I told you I have the same fear!! That first step on an escalator going down makes my heart leap. And it gets worse the older I get. Probably because I can lose my balance just trying to walk a straight line. (Did I mention, only two weeks until school starts!)

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  28. So what you're saying is that I should say "you are being silly" and "escalators are perfectly safe and all" instead of telling you about the time when I was 6 that my shoelace got caught in the top of the escalator and I thought I was going to die and be carried down to Hell and all that. True story. Seriously scary. So much traveling, so much to catch up on...now that we have coordinated our "home-ness".

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  29. Don't you know that if you wear Crocs on the escalator you will likely be eaten. Or something like that. It's true. It was on the warning label of my Crocs. And don't judge... crocs are comfy.

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  30. Yep. Been there, done that. In fact, last night I met a friend at the mall for dinner. I was dressed up for a play afterwards, and I nearly ate it BIG TIME on the escalator thanks to my high heels. See? Justified.

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  31. Hmmm... Jared is afraid of having cold water poured on him too... weird

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  32. I will challenge your "coordinationally challenged" remark because it is untrue. I witnessed you hiking IN HIGH HEELS and not falling once.

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  33. I have a fear of looking like a tourist and having cold water dumped on me in the shower too.

    No really....

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  34. LOL. You story about your parents scaring you with a story made me remember something that happened when we lived in NYC. We were waiting for the subway. The train was at the platform, but wasn't moving. We heard someone had been run over after falling on the tracks. My wife, who had a consuming fear of our kids going past the yellow line and getting too close to the edge marched our kids up (you couldn't see the body or anything) and said, "That's what happens when you get too close ot the edge!" THeir eyes got big and they never got too close again. The end.

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  35. I have to admit that I do think about getting sucked into the escalator every time I use one, but my real biggest phobia is snakes. It really is out of control. I won't even go out in the yard after one has been spotted. I mean like ALL summer! They scare me that bad. I'm glad to know I'm not alone in the phobia department. :)

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  36. Who wouldn't be terrified after hearing that story from your parents! Glad to hear that your fear never transferred to your kids though. I'm trying to think what my greatest fear is and it's probably related to getting old and frail. I would hate to lose my sense of independence. I never want to be dependent on any one else to feed myself or help me to the washroom. It know that sounds ridiculous but most fears are ...

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