Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Proclamation of Ban Lift and Reinstatement

In the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand and Eleven, We, the Benevolent and Tyrannical Rulers of this Realm, did proclaim a moratorium on our longstanding Ban on Chewing and Bubble Gum within the Borders of Our Home.

Unfortunately, despite multiple allegiances sworn toward Proper Gum Disposal by the Citizens of this Realm, our subjects celebrated the lift of this oppressive Ban by leaving saliva infused gum everywhere.

With great wailing, gnashing of teeth, and use of ice to eliminate matted gum from new carpet, We, the Beloved and Feared Rulers of this Realm, have reinstated the Ban. Probably forever.

To avoid Confusion or Protestations of Ignorance, the following is a list of things We, the Wise and Unreasonable Rulers of this Realm, have prohibited within our Home's Borders:

Chewing Gum

Bubble Gum

Songs sung by Boy Bands and/or over-hyped celebrities of certain children TV stations.

Playdough and all derivatives

Rated "M" video games

Non-Washable markers

Neon clothing

Books based on TV shows or toys (With the exception of Phineas and Ferb)

Scooters

Socks worn with Sandals

Cauliflower

As of this morning, after investigating a Horrendous Smell in the vicinity of The Girls' Room, We, the Exacerbated and Exhausted Rulers of this Realm, are considering the addition of Nail Polish Remover to The List. We will interrogate the Perpetrators and make our decision forthwith. (Creating Fear in the Subjects and demanding a Room Cleaning might be sufficient)

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24 comments:

  1. I love Phineas and Ferb!

    We were never allowed gum growing up, either. I still don't like it. so gross.

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  2. Yay! I love having gum banned and wish more placed would ban it.

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  3. Hooray for Phineas and Ferb - probably the only kids TV show I like!

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  4. I may just have to print this out and nail it to our front door as well.
    Here here!

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  5. Your list seems reasonable and quite benevolent. I especially like the ban on socks with sandals.

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  6. Can I ban poop?

    Seriously, after today, I really, really, REALLY want to ban poop.

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  7. LOL! ::::APPLAUSE::::
    I like the idea of banning poop too.

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  8. Never a dull moment, is there? Sorry about the new carpet - I've considered going to those charming concrete floors at our house.

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  9. Are scooters only banned inside the house? You are so mean.

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  10. I like neon colored clothing. You guys posted gum everywhere when you were growing up, it probably was the younger three though. Better ban nail polish if you ban polish remover. Good luck

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  11. Love it! I'm laughing out loud Charlotte. I may borrow this for my own realm.

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  12. You crack me up! I have tried to make my own gum ban on everyone, but myself. My problem is my kids like to steal my gum, especially my 3-year-old gum obsessed boy. I don't think he is aware of the practicality of using a trash can when finished chewing.

    I would also like to ban Justin Bieber and whining. :)

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  13. Sorry about gum in your new carpet. I totally agree with the gum ban though....kids should not chew gum. In the words of Willie Wonka, "Chewing gum is really gross, chewing gum I hate the most."

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  14. Can I copy this and post it on my blog? I might just add a line about our ban on pockets and/or shoes filled with sand and drippy Go-gurt and pudding containers left behind couches and on carpet.

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  15. Wow - that's quite a list!! :D My mom could never tolerate even the sound of chewing gum - I guess it's a mom thing!! :)

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  16. You go girl! Your realm is not a democracy!

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  17. I second the motion! And can we get rid of nail polish as well? The worst was when we were driving and all of a sudden we turned around when we saw my daughter putting some on in the car and drowning our nostrils with the scent. What the freak?

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  18. We are totally going to initiate room inspections this summer. You go girl!

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  19. Gum is my secret weapon with Abraham. He'll do just about anything for the promise of it. Although he is kind of OCD and never ever puts it anywhere but a garbage can. Once he couldn't find a garbage can and he came to me with it crying because he didn't know what to do.

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  20. Yep, Phineas and Ferb love right here. Watching it right now, in fact.

    But I do not love gum. I rarely chew it.

    If only I could outlaw wall boogers.

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  21. You would love it here because gum is illegal. You can't bring it into the country. Ben tried and it got taken at customs!

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  22. I'm laughing SO hard at the "ban poop" comment above. LOVE IT!

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  23. I'm so relieved that Phineas and Ferb are safe in your household. What would we do without Perry the Platypus anyway?

    But, I'm totally stealing your list. Oh how I hate gum. Hate.

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