Matthew is three. Somehow I'd forgotten how exciting the third birthday can be. He knew it was coming and he anticipated this day for at least the last week. Every time someone told him, "Happy Birthday!" today he would run to his cake and ask for us to "put the lighter on it, so we can sing." He sat completely still beside his pile of wrapped presents for 15 minutes, waiting for his siblings' arrival home from school. He couldn't contain his excitement as each gift was finally unwrapped. In short, it was joyfully adorable. And yet, hanging over it all was the day. My youngest was born exactly 5 years after the 9/11 attacks. The overwhelming sadness that accompanies remembering that day was always present, looming over everything we did and said. I can't avoid it, I don't want to avoid it. I feel strongly my responsibility to NOT forget.
Until now I've been able to compartmentalize the day. Give Matthew some festivity and take time for solemn reflection. But this year, now that he knows what a birthday means, it was much more difficult. How do you celebrate while mourning or mourn while celebrating?
I think it must be similar (and probably even easier) than those who lose a loved one on a holiday.
It didn't help that he choose a firetruck birthday cake. If I had realized the irony before this morning, I might have encouraged a different choice. As it was, as I passed the cake sitting on the counter all day, I was reminded of my torn emotions. My heart swelled at the gift of my son and his sweet innocence. Yet, my heart sank as I thought of those that lost their life and a national loss of innocence. How is it a heart can do both? How do you survive a day when you're torn into two? (And, do you think it will affect him, that his mother grieves on his birthday?)Today was a very strange day for me.
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ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to Matthew. I thought of him today, shortly after I remembered my experience on 9/11. I'm glad he had a great birthday, even if some appropriate mourning occured.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first year since 2001 that I didn't feel a sense of mourning. Today I love that everyone is flying their flags in remembrance. In 2001, I sat by the TV and cried for two weeks. But the new sense for me is that the attacks eight years ago woke us up to America's enemies, and this year we are waking from complacency. I feel hope for the future, though I also believe there is much struggle ahead. (And I haven't listened to much Glenn Beck lately, so I think I'm feeling this on my own and from the people in my community.)
ReplyDeleteI think the firetruck cake is completely appropriate. It represents the heroes of the day. The people who faced the disaster and went in to help others at the risk of their own lives. I believe heroes will continue to crop up in the days ahead and I hope I can mingle with them.
I have to admit that yesterday was the one day I did not want my baby to born. It would not have been the worst thing but I kept thinking the same things you have written about. How to balance the joy of my child with the tragedy that the day marks?
ReplyDeleteInstead she will be born on the 13th. I wonder how often she'll have a Friday the 13th birthday??
SSBenjamins- I sent you a message on Facebook
ReplyDeleteKim- At least his birthday is easy for everyone to remember.
Mary- I felt a different, less overwhelming, sadness this year, too. I wasn't sure how much of that was due to Matthew's absolute happiness.
ReplyDeleteAlso, it was the "honoring the heroes" that made me feel conflicted. It was his birthday cake and it was supposed to be merely cute because he loves firetrucks, but it ended up being more because of the day.
Jeanette- Almost done!! Congrats. I didn't want him born that day either. It was only about 5 minutes into the day when he was born, too. Friday the 13th birthdays could be kind of fun: upside down cakes or backwards dinners or other crazy such stuff.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree that there is more a sense of accomplishment and strength associated with the day now. The country is moving on while still honoring those victims and their families. There is success in 9/11 and Americans will never be the same. So celebrate the day that we became more united and celebrate the day that your adorable boy took that first breath, success!
ReplyDeleteThe cake is amazing, no matter what. Consider your cake making skills officially hired for our next family birthday...you have until April.
emma jo- I think a national day of service is a fitting way to honor 9/11. I will gladly make you a cake. Although I think that you would have more success than I if you clicked on the cake link and followed the easy step by step instructions. If you look at their picture you will see that I totally messed up on the cab of the truck.
ReplyDeleteNice post. I see the day more as a day to remember what freedom is. I mourn more for those that lose their lives every day fighting for our freedom than those that died in the 9/11 attack. Those that died were innocent yes but those that fight do it willing to preserve what we all enjoy every day. An attack is tragic lost of life is sad but the fight for freedom goes on every day. Celebrate Matthews birthday with joy and reverence.
ReplyDeleteI agree - I think the fire truck cake is a fitting tribute. It's wonderful that even at their tender ages, kids recognize and idolize real heroes - firefighters, police officers, soldiers, etc. Happy Birthday to your baby (he's the youngest, right?).
ReplyDeleteI think the firetruck cake looks amazing. You did a great job. I don't think that it will affect him that his birthday is on such a great day of remembrance...it may make him more patriotic?
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to Matthew! He is growing up fast. The cake turned out GREAT. Was it hard?
ReplyDeleteI love the fire engine cake even if it wasn't meant as a symbol.
ReplyDeleteYou have a very rare take on what 9/11 means. On one hand you remember the sorrow, devestation, and loss. On the other, the pure joy of life.
Tucker Mom- But how many people celebrate their birthdays with reverence?
ReplyDeleteSusan- He does adore fire trucks. Although I wish that he didn't lisp the "tr" sound into a "f"
Jamie- I hope he learns to share his day with pride.
Davis Family- No. Totally easy. Go look at Betty Crocker's how to videos. They have tons of easy cakes and they show you how to do it.
ReplyDeleteSteph- That is exactly what made it seem so strange to me.
Happ Birthday Matthew! I wish we could have been there! What is crazy is that a lot of kids in Jared's class don't know anything about what happen on 9/11. to them it is just another day :(
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to your little guy. I'm glad he could be a ray of sunshine to brighten your 9/11 memories. Maybe I should have another baby...
ReplyDeleteyeah, totally kidding about the baby thing.
Boyer family- My kids were all too young to remember directly. 3 of them weren't born yet, it is weird that they don't remember what it was like in those pre 9/11 days.
ReplyDeleteucmama- You should never joke about those sort of things, the universe likes to make you eat your words.
That was a sad day. I've never stopped to think of how this would be for others who had joyful days planned - weddings, birthdays, etc. It WOULD be difficult. Perhaps as he gets older the seriousness of 9/11 could be a part of gratitude/lesson about not taking life for granted? That's probably how I'd tie it in if it were us. Each family is different though and I'll bet you already did that somehow. As he and your other children gets older you could make it almost like a special remembrance/gratitude part of the day, tying in a celebration of life.
ReplyDelete