Unlike my husband and children, I have long since outgrown my youthful belief in the housekeeping fairy. However, I absolutely believe, and live in fear, of the housekeeping goblin. The facts are overwhelming: he attacks my home daily.
At times you may see me prancing through the house and wonder if I've joined some new age, abstract dance group. The answer, of course, is No. I am procrastinating a trip to the restroom. But Charlotte, you may ask, don't you have 5 restrooms in that house you're leasing? Surly they aren't all out of order again? Yes, I do, and they're all working (and actually clean right now). The problem is I know as soon as I shut the bathroom door, the housecleaning goblin will strike, destroying my house. It is uncanny! It doesn't matter if I take 1 second or 10 minutes- that goblin is fast. One instant is all he needs.
Sometimes, when the kids come home from school, all I have to do is blink and that goblin has worked its evil magic. Papers strewn across the room, backpacks flung to high heaven, lunch bags freeing their lingering crumbs. Not to mention the shoes and socks decorating any and every flat surface not already taken by art projects and $1 toys from the prize box.
If there is a housekeeping goblin, as I firmly believe, I know where its lair can be found: the playroom. That is the only explanation for the conditions in that room. It doesn't matter how often I clean, organize, and threaten the children to only take out one toy at a time, that room is determined to stay a mess. I finish cleaning, get a drink of water, and come up to grab the broom to find every toy in that room dumped. I've even tried weeding out the toys- it didn't help. Obviously the goblin feeds on a mother's sweat and tears.
So, anyway, in my continued goal to deep clean my house in the first 3 weeks of school, I entered the goblin's hideout today. I dumped and reorganized all those toys. I gathered the discarded dishes and cups, swept the crumbs and took out the garbage. It took 4 hours. While I was gone the goblin made a weak counterattack on my living room (apparently the goblin is greatly inhibited during school hours), but I won the battle today.
Or so I thought until I checked while tucking in the kids. He is already rearranging that room, preparing to redecorate in a manner more suited to his personal tastes; toys and garbage and dishes had already found their way back inside. I would raise a white flag, but that would involve finishing my laundry. And believe me, the laundry fairy is in cahoots with the goblin.
*OK, honestly, the top picture is the "after" of the below "before" one and these pictures are really from a couple months ago (and are the reason I did my great toy reduction), but they convey the idea perfectly so I added them.*
I've basically given up on the playroom because seriously, what is the point? As you eloquently pointed out, it takes minutes, seconds to undue all the work. I try to have it freshly cleaned once a week and leave it at that.
ReplyDeleteThe goblin feeds on mother's sweat and tears?? LOL! That was hilarious. I've always wanted a designated toy room, thinking maybe the mess would be confined to that room and the bedrooms would stay a little nicer... just let me live in my fantasy world a little longer, will you?
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I wish I could get rid of my housekeeping goblins. Your goblin sounds unusually fast. :) What a fun post.
ReplyDeleteOh - I'll never show this to my girls - they'll be so jealous of the toy selection. Their collection is VERY small but that's so I don't lose my mind. Even with their tiny toy stash they can reduce my living room (playroom? what?) into rubble in minutes.
ReplyDeleteKim- Yeah, my playroom used to cleanable once a week...
ReplyDeleteAndrea- It does help confine the mess. Then the kids can concentrate on destroying their bedrooms with clothes, trash, and other sundry items. The only downfall is they tend to not play with the toys whenthe playroom is a mess.
Bikmans- Amazingly, it gets faster with each child.
ReplyDeleteKimberly- My selection has to cover every stage from toddler to tween (and two different genders). As the youngest grows out of toys, I gleefully throw them out. You are right, the goblin can work wonders with ANY amount of toys.
I've heard tomato sauce and a circle of salt will keep the goblins at bay. At least that's what Spiderwick Chronicles says.
ReplyDeleteI found tomato sauce and salt up in that playroom, so this goblin must be immune. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou're so funny! And, yeah, I hate how the goblin strikes when the kids come home from school. I can keep the house generally clean all day and then they come home and it is over in about 5 minutes. Gets my anxiety levels up.
ReplyDeleteI hear you have to hire Jace to do his special dance in the room in order to ward off the goblin......ok, not true, I tried it yesterday when he was here, it didn't work. That darn goblin must have relatives in Washington!
ReplyDeleteThe goblins get tired the older you get. I guess you kinda run out of sweat. They still can do their magic though at the end of the day. (you know when the man gets home from work)
ReplyDeleteDitto....those goblins work hard to keep my house a mess. I seriously get so tired of cleaning up after the kids. The other day I took a black Hefty garbage bag in their bedroom/playroom and filled it up completely. Those fast food toys seem to multiply like rabbits, I tell ya. I also went through their toys and put some in the attic storage. It has helped a little bit, but I still feel like it will be a never-ending battle!
ReplyDeleteMy used to kidnap our toys and we'd have to work to get them back or pay her money, which requried us to do work for her. Then she started doing that with our clean laundry. I only had to go to Junior High one day in plaid purple pants and a green top to learn my lesson....
ReplyDeleteHow does that goblin manage to be everywhere all the time?
ReplyDeleteAlyson- Every single day after school it happens. Makes me crazy!
ReplyDeleteDavis Family- I don't think there is anyway to get rid of the goblin. And it seems he has relatives everywhere.
Tucker Mom- Hey, even though it is old and tired, your goblin has try, right?
Jamie- I know, the Happy Meal toys will eventually take over the world. Every time I clean I look at the toys I'm getting rid of and wonder how I can still have so many left.
ReplyDeleteEast of Eden- I tried that once and it didn't work. I think my kids were too young still. I may try it again with the laundry. For some reason my girls have decided to leave them unfolded in a hamper...
Claudia Obviously a master of time and space.
I wouldn't personally do it because I think it is to extreme, but I had a friend that locked all the toys in a closet that only she had the key to. The kids had to clean up one toy bucket before she would allow another out.
ReplyDeleteI have the same rule, but I don't lock up all the toys that they aren't using.
Our playroom looks like the last picture you posted, but here's the secret: once the room is destroyed, the goblin can't make it any worse. Our playroom has looked that way for at least a year--I am NOT exaggerating! Now all I have to do is make sure it doesn't spread, which entails throwing things in there and quickly shoving the door shut. Out of sight, mostly out of mind.
ReplyDeleteThat is awesome! My kids room looks like one of those pictures right now. I will not tell you which one.
ReplyDeleteI wish the fairy would come and visit the place I live because this house is heaven for the goblin! Not with children's toys but with the adults! There are two children and FIVE adults living here and (other then food of course) I serioulsy believe the kids goblin has gone on vacation! If you ever have the pleasure of meeting with the fairy please tell her to come visit Ms. Goldibug too because I could really use her help!
ReplyDeleteWe have a playroom battle almost every day. It usually involves a lot of whining and blaming (including me) and then them finally getting that they can't do anything fun until that room is clean again.
ReplyDeleteI am amazed how fast it can all be undone.
Have they invented a medication that causes you to see clean where a mess really exists? I am going to need a pill like that if I want more kids, I think. Two are keeping me busy for now. I don't know how you manage to defeat the goblin. Well done. (That bottom picture makes me want to not have ANY toys. But I guess then they'll sit and tear paper towels to bits or something else messy.)
ReplyDeleteI totally relate here. (only you have it much more) 6-7 times a day I pick up everything and start fresh. My back hurts from bending or crawling to do this. Then 2-3 bags of trash and 2-3 loads of laundry...you'd think we were the duggars or something.
ReplyDeleteI hope the school hours this year give you a little more relax time and less cleaning time!!!
Mom at our house- I have the one toy at a time rule (it works if I happen to be in the room). I have considered locking up the toys before, sounds great in theory, but not so fun when they want toys and I want to be doing something else.
ReplyDeleteMary That is my usual philosophy, too. Once it hits a certain point, just shut the door at let it be. Every once in a while I miss too many jackets, shoes, or silverware and I know what I have to do to find them.
Steph- I'm sure your kids' room look like the top picture, you just don't want to rub it in, right?
ReplyDeleteGoldibug- The adult cleaning goblin is enough to make anyone nuts, because it should be old enough to know better!
Steph @Diapers&Divinity- I keep hoping my kids will "get it" that the playroom is always more fun when they keep it picked up. Part of the problem is that once it is cleaned, they are so excited to play with all the toys that were too disorganized to enjoy before. Then they dump them out and the process repeats.
Abby- I would take that medication in a second. And, yesterday, the kids didn't play with toys, instead they cut up paper into little tiny pieces (had top have been 20 sheets of paper).So, yes, the goblin requires no toys to make his mischief.
ReplyDeleteGabrielle- I gave up on doing it 6-7 times a day a long time ago (wait, can you give up something you never tried?) I have come to accept that when you have 6 kids in 10 years you've invited a certain amount of mess to always be present.