Thursday, June 3, 2010

Good bye comfort zone, hello CBC.

Pushing out of my comfort zone always seems like a good idea in theory, but by the time it comes to actually push, I usually decide I'd rather not.  Kind of like labor, only I can't change my mind about pushing out a baby, but almost always back out of pushing my comfort levels.  It stinks, too,  because my comfort zone is a little teeny bit small.  It doesn't include talking with strangers or socializing in large groups.  The last time I moved and had to go into a new congergation, I was so nervous I paled to the coloring of vampire.  Unfortunately, this was pre-Twilight days before that would be cool.  Although now that I think about it, I was wearing some glittery mineral foundation, so I even slightly sparkled.

Well that paragraph got a little off track, didn't it?

So, anyway, part of the reason I wanted to attend the Casual Blogger Conference last week was because I'm sick of my teeny tiny comfort zone and wanted to expand it a little.  What better way than to try with a group of women who I already sort of knew online?  Plus, being held in Utah, if I failed spectacularly, I could always conveniently never see them again.  Besides, after spending the money on tickets, flights, and hotels, I couldn't exactly change my mind.

I was able to convince myself of this when I bought the tickets, when I got on the plane, and as I drove down the freeway to the hotel.  But about an hour before it started, I began to feel a little anxiety.  Hyperventilating, feeling nauseated, and curling into the fetal position on a hotel bed is considered "a little anxiety", right?  When I walked into the Girls' Night Out the first evening and there were no name tags and I recognized no one, I almost turned around and walked back out. What's a little money wasted in the long run anyway? My comfort zone was about 3 galaxies away from where I stood.

Hyperlinking Gone Wild Alert!

And then, someone I didn't know sat down and talked to me.  (I will always be thankful Kara). 

And several minutes later I heard my name called from across the room.  I looked up and there they were.  My friends.  I had often wondered what it would feel like to meet a cyber friend for reals.  Would it be awkward blind date-ish?  Can I tell you, it was wonderful!  More like a reunion of long time friends you hang out with all the time.   We embraced, we laughed, we asked of each other's families.   Suddenly, my comfort zone had decided to join me.

The rest of the time I thoroughly enjoyed myself.  Didn't meet a lot of new people, but definitely had fun with the ones I already knew.  That first group of friends who hailed me from across the room included Amber, Serene, and Linda.  We then met Rachel, the Damsel, Inkmom, and MommyJ.  The next day I met Living the Scream, Tauna, Karen, and T  (who I talked to at least an hour before I realized I read her blog and "knew" her).  I also got to spend time with Shannon, aka Jane, who I've wanted to meet for a long time and is just as wonderful in real life, if not even more so.

I even got to meet Amber's lovely family, our lives really are as eerily similar as I thought, and I love her even more now.  The only person I really wanted to meet and didn't was Momza, who I saw once the first night, but it was before my comfort zone decided to join me and I was too afraid of introducing myself to the wrong person and after that first evening I never saw her again.

The question I didn't realize I needed answered:

What I really found was the answer to a question I didn't consciously form until afterwards.  These people I've met and like online, are they really friends or is it my imagination supplying such a deep connection?  Turns out they are who I thought they were.  Meeting them was as natural as meeting any friend for lunch.  Their online voices blended perfectly with their real life personalities.  That connection is very real, and now I know these cyber-friendships are definitely worth developing.

In short, I think I need to work on this separation anxiety with my comfort zone.  I can live outside its boundaries and not die of nervousness. Thank you ladies, for helping me survive the experience and enjoy it! 

Proof I'm Lame at Taking Pictures:

The entire 2 days, I took one picture.  Here I am at lunch with Amber, Shannon, Serene, and Linda.  I am aware that I am NOT in the photo.  There are other pictures of me other people took.   So if you want more proof I was there, look here, here, or here- (Amber was nice enough to email the photo so I'm posting it).





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26 comments:

  1. That is so awesome! I really, really wish I could have been there! And, if I had, we could have flown out together. :)

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  2. I'm so glad that you took the leap and had a good time. One of my goals next year is to attend a bloggy conference. Maybe you will be there too, and you can show me the ropes. :-)

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  3. I am so glad that I met you at LNO. I'm a pretty outgoing person, but I was even feeling a little nervous not knowing anyone. It was awesome making a new friend and hanging out with you! And thanks for letting my dump my stuff in your room. My shoulder wouldn't have made it without you. :)
    Oh, and I love your blog!!

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  4. You just described exactly how I felt leading up to CBC, although I didn't end up getting to go after all. I'm sad I didn't get the chance to meet everyone.

    Glad your folks are doing ok.

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  5. So glad you went! I've had similar experience at blogger meet ups over the years and it has ALWAYS been worth the almost crippling anxiety that precedes each meeting. That deep connection is so real, and learning that...wow...it's a bit mind blowing the first time. And even subsequent times. I live somewhere quite lacking in kindred spirits and so being able to connect with wonderful women like you is SUCH a gift. So glad you got to experience it too!

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  6. Oh, my gosh. You describe my anxiety over meeting new people exactly! It's so funny, because I was just talking to my sister about this last week; I would rather speak to an arena full of people than walk into a room of my peers and try to make a friend.

    Props to you for branching out. You are my new hero.

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  7. I think your pictures are great! It was so cool to meet you. You were just like I might have imagined- cute, funny, and sweet!

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  8. Can I just how how stinking cute you are? Can I? Can I?
    You are just so stinking cute!

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  9. three words...you are brave!!!

    i admire you. :)

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  10. I must admit, I have to admire you for coming so far by yourself. My sister was absolutely my security blanket. I knew that even if I knew no one else, I would at the very least, have her with me.

    It was fabulous meeting everyone, and I completely understand what you said about the integrity of blogging friendships. I came away with that as well. These connections we make are real, and completely amazing.

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  11. It was so fun meeting you! I am also glad to hear your parents are doing better.

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  12. I am beyond sad that I didn't meet you this weekend. Because it would have been amazing. It looks like you had a great time. And Shannon is one of my favorite people I have met online.

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  13. I was reading everyone's tweets last weekend and feeling awful that I didn't go. I mentioned how bummed I was to my husband and he said, "I was going to fly you out for that but your sister said you didn't want to go." Whaaaat? My dumb sister!

    Glad you had fun! I see you met my BFF/neighbor Cheryl at http://perfectlylazy.com/

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  14. So glad to hear about your parents. I have been checking back often. What a relief! It was also great to meet you at the CBC!

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  15. I can definitely relate to your anxiety- it took me years to get up the nerve to go to an RS activity by myself. I'm not exactly what you'd call "independent" or "outgoing". However, I'd never call myself shy... am I just in denial?

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  16. I too would have loved to acutally meet you, but I'm glad you had a good time. And look at all those cute MMBs you met! :)

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  17. My comfort zone may be even smaller than yours. I'm glad you went for it! I've met a few blogging friends when I still lived in Utah, and it's true. Connections forged online are just as great as those made in person!

    I'm glad you had such a wonderful time that you didn't even remember to take pictures!

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  18. Charlotte, ever since I met up with all my bloggy friends I've had the funny feeling that we'd like each other just as much in person as we do online. I've met incredible people, including you! I'm glad this was all confirmed for you at the conference. I know Amber enjoyed herself too!

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  19. I am so with you on this (or how you used to be!). I'm not a group girl in any way, so this kind of thing would be super hard for me. However, I am so proud of you for going & doing something out of your comfort zone! This is a huge inspiration to me & I really appreciate you posting your thoughts on this. My favorite line in the whole post? "Their online voices blended perfectly with their real life personalities." Beautiful!

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  20. Firstly, I am very very happy that your parents are doing better. I clicked over just to see if you had posted an update.

    Secondly, I am SO happy that I was able to meet you. It was absolutely fabulous. : )

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  21. I love it. I love that you went and that you already "knew" people, and that you had fun and have a load of new friends now to identify with and have fun with and enjoy and learn from. How fun! and yeah for stepping out of comfort zones (sometimes I have to be shoved out of mine, but it all ends well.)

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  22. I wonder if everyone was out of their comfort zone - excited to meet tangible friends we've "known" but insecure in ourselves. Oh my heck - that baby's expression is SO stinking cute! I'm sorry - babies always distract and that one is too cute!

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  23. I loved that you were so brave and came all that way BY YOURSELF!!! Eek!

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  24. I'm so glad that you stepped out of your comfort zone and came to the CBC! It was delightful to meet you! You are beautiful!

    xo

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  25. "Hyperlinking Gone Wild Alert!"

    How funny. This sounds SO fun. I enjoyed reading about it. I'd be out of my comfort zone a little, too but I think I'd ease in once I saw someone I knew.

    Sidenote: I keep hearing Utah people mention this Chickfila place. Must be good.

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  26. I'm just glad the conference was in Utah so we could get together beforehand. Thanks for making time for lunch.

    As I read all these comments, I think maybe online friendships are strong because we tend to reveal ourselves a lot more in our writing than at amicable activities. It takes work to be an in-person friend; conversations take time and planning to schedule, and then people have to click with each other in the moment to share meaningful thoughts and not be too distracted by children and whatever is next on the day's agenda. But online, we can write at whatever time of day we have alone time to think for a few minutes. With no direct conversation, we can complete our thoughts and delve into where they are coming from. Writing online is a safe way to be vulnerable. When we put our words out there for the public-at-large to critique, we then discover how like each we are at all levels.

    I'm glad your personal vacation resulted in validated friendships.

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