Monday, May 31, 2010

Helpless

Today, in the midst of routine Memorial Day shopping for lawn work and BBQ supplies, my brother called to tell me my parents had been in a motorcycle accident. All he really knew was they were on their way to the hospital, all other details were sketchy.  Suddenly I found myself helpless, unable to know what had happened and left with only my imagination to fill in the whos, the whats, the whens and the wheres. In shock, I wandered the store aisles far longer than needed; it’s hard to see the hamburger buns when I’m busy looking for reassurance.

I came home and helped with the yard work, trying in vain to pretend normal actions would make everything else normal again. Finally my brother called with more information. My mom had severe road rash, but nothing was broken. My dad, however, was pretty hurt: broken ribs, shattered shoulder blade, and being taken up for emergency surgery.

I somehow felt even more helpless. Mechanically I worked through my chores, for what else could I do? My body in New England, my heart in New Mexico. If I thought about it too long, I might come completely unglued, so I tried not to stop long enough to process.

I call my mom, I call my sisters. I call and I talk, but it isn’t enough. My brothers, one with my mom posting updates, the other dispersing the information to the rest off us, they help keep their poor sisters up to date. At least they are helping in some way.  Finally we find the surgery wasn’t in his chest, as originally thought, but his abdomen. My dad is now spleenless, but this diagnosis is far better than lungless.

Still, I am helpless. I want to be in the waiting room holding my mom’s hand. I want Peter to speak colleague to colleague with the surgeon, getting all the details in doctor jargon and translating to us in layman’s terms. I want to tell my siblings my husband thinks this is just an easily fixed, no problem, small deal.  At the very least, I want to not see the worry and concern on the face of a man who knows when the news is bad.

I want a reset on my day, to wake up to a happier reality, or to discover it is all a cruel practical joke.

I am helpless to have anything I want. I have nothing to give, nothing to offer, no way to fix, change, or relieve. My family needs help and, despite being full of desire, I am empty of ability. Helpless.

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Helpless.

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Helpless.

Maybe this is why I must constantly remind myself that I am in reality? The reality is that my father is (hopefully sleeping) in the ICU; he is in horrible long term pain. The reality is my mother’s skin has been ripped and rubbed with asphalt; she will sleep alone tonight. The reality is that my parents’ lives have changed forever. The reality IS reality, but I can’t seem to put my mind around it.

Dear God, please help me, help my mom and dad, for I am helpless.


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Obviously this is not a post about the fantastic time I had at the Casual Blogger Conference last weekend.  Unfortunately I have other, scarier, things on my mind today.   I've learned that Motherboard's husband was also in a motorcycle accident today and, last I heard, was still in surgery.  If you can spare some extra prayers, send some their way, too.

53 comments:

  1. Charlotte, I'm so sorry! I'll join my prayers with yours on your parent's behalf.

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  2. Oh I'm so sorry about their accident. I'll be praying for them too.

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  3. How horrible! I'm so sorry that you're so far away and can't be there, that would drive me crazy as well. But I know they'll be feeling your prayers from afar, as well as all of our prayers.

    HUGS.

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  4. Charlotte,

    I will keep your parents and family in my prayers! I also am feeling pretty helpless on this end. Keep us up and please let me know if their is anything I can do that might help. I've talked a little with you mom. Hang in there...Love you guys.

    Jill

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  5. Oh my gosh. I am so sorry to hear about this. Coming off of a draining (and fun!) experience to this devastating event. I am thinking about and praying for you.

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  6. I'm so sorry! First, the not knowing for sure what happened is torture...and then finally knowing but not being there to help in any way is just as draining. Sending prayers for your family tonight and for the weeks to come.

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  7. I'm so so sorry. How awful. I hope and pray all will be ok. It was so hard when my dad was sick being all the way across the country. I felt helpless too. Like you said it's hard to think about hamburger buns and much else when all you want is reassurance.

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  8. It's so hard being so far away and feeling like there's nothing tangible to DO. I, too, have had experience with thatm and it's such an unsettling feeling. Thoughts and prayers for you and yours today.

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  9. Oh Charlotte, I'm so sorry to hear that. Please know that I'm praying for you and your family. Keep us up to date on everyone's recovery.

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  10. I'm thinking of you, saying prayers and sending whatever virtual support that I can so that you can find the strength you need to get through this.

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  11. You will be in our prayers Charlotte. Hang in there, and know that you are not alone.

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  12. I am thinking about you this morning. I hope you can find some kind of peace. These are the times you feel bad living far away. I have the same deal.

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  13. I'm so sorry Charlotte. I hope they recover quickly and you find your peace of mind.

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  14. Yesterday was crazy. I felt the same way, very helpless. I wish I could be there with mom and dad, that I could do something, anything to help them. I hope that today brings better news. I will try to keep you updated on Dad's progress.

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  15. rotten, rotten, rotten. I relate (a little) because just before CBC my younger cousin had a heart-attack and I was just wanting to drive across that mountain range to be there and see family... still getting phone updates daily, but it isn't the same at all...

    prayers coming your way!

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  16. Wow, Charlotte, I'm so sorry. Having been in the hospital way too many times, I know how much the prayers of others sustained me. I could literally feel the strength coming from others' prayers.

    That being said, I can totally understand how you could feel so helpless. Prayers for you and yours. My heart is with you.

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  17. Gosh Charlotte, I'm so very sorry! I will pray for your parents, and for Motherboard.
    Keep us updated!

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  18. I am so sorry! I hope all goes well!

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  19. Oh Charlotte, I am so sorry to hear that! I completely understand that helpless feeling. I will keep your parents in my prayers and I hope that all will be well.

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  20. I am so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

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  21. my heart is aching for you and your family! we will be praying for all of you!

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  22. I hope all is well. I will be praying for your family!

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  23. You were a HUGE help to me. You're my big sister and it was very comforting to talk to you. Thanks for calling. I had real issues last night knowing that Dad was asleep alone in the hospital. That is he woke up no one would be there. I prayed and prayed that someone could be sent from the other side to be with him. Also Mom sleeping alone scared for Dad all night. I'm glad she had Gordon and Jess.
    This whole thing has made me miss everyone so much.

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  24. I'll be praying for your parents and your family. I hope they are on the mend soon, with or without a spleen. Hang in there.

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  25. Oh Charlotte I am so sorry. Hugs and prayers. It was wonderful meetin you this weekend.

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  26. I'm so, so, so sorry, Charlotte! I pray they recover quickly.

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  27. Thinking and holding good thoughts for your family, Charlotte.

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  28. @Tami
    Thinking of Dad was bad, but having Mom wake up crying on the floor because it hurt and saying she just wanted Dad was worse to me.

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  29. Charlotte, I am so sorry about your mom and dad! I know how hard it is to be helplessly 2000+ miles away. I hope that they get well soon!
    From your previous post, was your mom getting ready to come for a visit?
    Take care!!!

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  30. Prayers coming your way. I'm so sorry. I know that helpless feeling when miles separate family. Keep us posted, and we'll all pray for good news.

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  31. I know exactly what you mean. I've been in a haze for the last 2 days. It is indescribeable, the need and want to be with your familiy and to not be capable of it.

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  32. Good thoughts and prayers are headed your way, my friend. I will hope for the best.

    (So glad to have met you in person! So glad!)

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  33. Charlotte I am so sorry! My prayers are certainly with you!
    I can't believe everything you have gone through.
    Keep us all posted.
    HUGS
    Tauna

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  34. I'm sorry, Charlotte. Even when we can't fix things, we sure wish we could try.

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  35. I'm so sorry. Nothing worse than wanting to be somewhere to know what is going on and to help where you can but not being able to. Praying that your dad, mom, and family feel comfort.

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  36. I'm so sorry Charlotte. I remember your dad from when you and I were teenagers. We were sailors together in our church production of South Pacific. He is a wonderful man and I pray for his recovery and comfort for you and your family.

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  37. Charlotte, I am sorry. Thoughts, hugs and prayers from Canada for you and your family.

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  38. This is bad, but it could be soooo much worse. He will be fine. All of you will be fine. It will take time, it will be hard, but God will bless you. I'll say a prayer right now and add it to the many, many, many already being sent up on all of your behalfs. Behalves? you know what I mean.

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  39. Oh Charlotte!

    You know I am praying for you and your family. I wish I lived closer to you to offer you physical help as well... nothing says love like some green jello with carrots. ;-)

    *hugz*

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  40. I am so sorry. Of course you feel helpless; I only hope that by the time you read this comment, you know more and feel a bit more in control. Thinking of you.

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  41. My heart skipped a beat when I heard what happened. I am so glad that things didn't turn out worse. We are praying for you and your whole family. Please keep us updated.

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  42. Oh Charlotte, I am so sorry. I'm glad your mom is okay and I hope your dad's surgery goes well. I'll be sending extra prayers your way.

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  43. Oh Charlotte...my heart is aching and I'm fighting tears. I got a phone call like that a few years ago. But I could hop in a car and drive six hours and be there. Even then I felt helpless, but I can well imagine how much harder it would have been not to be able to be there. I want to think of something super amazing to say that will miraculously comfort you and make you feel better, but powerful as words are I'm not sure that's possible right now. You and yours will be in my prayers.

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  44. Charlotte - you, your family and your parents are in our prayers. I hope all will be much better soon.

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  45. Holy Moly I am late on the comment but I commented in person, remember? My prayers are still with you and your parents. All will be well. I love the quote that I just heard that says "go to sleep in peace. God is awake."
    Victor Hugo

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  46. I was right there and I too felt helpless. I knew what happened I saw the pain and the blood and I still was helpless. Waking up without you dad beside me and passing out and finding myself alone felt helpless. Through it all I did fell blessed, I was alive to feel the pain and lonelness, your dad was alive to be in the hospital, we were fixable. Dad was so drugged out that he didn't know what was going on and won't remember most of it. The Lord watched over us and we are still here. Thanks for all the love and support.

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  47. I'm so sorry to hear this. :( I know we just met (lovely to meet you, btw) but I will keep your family in my prayers.

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  48. I'm so sorry Charlotte. I hope things continue to improve for them.

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  49. Oh my gosh, Charlotte, I missed a few days on here and look what I found when I got back to it! I also read the next post so I know what happened but I want you to know that your parents are in my thoughts and prayers. How distressing and how difficult being on the other side of the country. Thinking of you.

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  50. I'm so sorry that your family is going through such a scary trial right now, but I am glad for you all that it wasn't much worse. Your description of the helplessness of being far away reminds me to be thankful for and never take for granted the fact that most of my family lives within 15 miles of us...

    Hang in there,
    (((hugs))) and prayers,
    ali

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  51. I'm glad your parents are doing a little better. I'll continue to pray.

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  52. I am sorry that I am checking your blog a week late. I feel like I've missed out on extending my prayers for you and your family. But that's the thought I kept having as I scrolled through the comments. In sharing your helplessness, you mustered dozens of people to pray for your parents. I'm sure their names are on temple rolls around the country. I KNOW the real healing power that happens when we pray and fast for a single purpose. I hope you have felt those prayers buoying you up this past week.

    I'll read on to discover how this situation has progressed.

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  53. I was getting ready to write something all profound, when I saw that comment about my husbands wreck and I lost it. UGLY CRY! Thank you for your sweet shout-out about us.

    I understand completely what you mean when you say you felt helpless. That's how I felt too.

    Ironically when things like this happen it is the jolt back to "reality" that I need. It's easy to get lost amongst the blogs-- traveling, reading, viewing, and writing about life that we can actually forget to LIVE our lives.

    I hope your parents are recovering well. You have been in my thoughts AND prayers.

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