Tuesday, July 29, 2008

A Tale of Horror: Frankenmom

There was a monster that lurked in my mind. This monster sometimes kept me up at night, prowling around the edges of my thoughts. Sometimes she jumped to the forefront with vicious attack, leaving me only after I was completely shaken. I finally acknowledged this monster and vanquished her from my life. I call her Frankenmom.

Just who was Frankenmom? Imagine a creature that stitched together all the BEST qualities of other women. She is the best of homemaking, mothering, church practice, marriage, craftiness, personality, taste, humor, and virtue. In my muddled mind I had learned to compare myself to this creature of “best” qualities. Frankenmom reminded me of what I wasn’t and in striving toward her ideal, I lost track of the talents I did have.

There was an even darker side to Frankenmom. Often, she bore two faces. She had a home that was quaint and filled with children’s projects and piles of comfy books. But at the same time, her house was catalog perfect, roomy and spotless. She watched no TV while staying on top of all Pop Culture. Her children were dressed like models but at the same time having a wild, cute, I-dressed-myself-and-am-allowed-my-own-personality look. Don’t even get me started on her husband and marriage relationship!! With this duality, I was doomed to be haunted. I couldn’t have everything I coveted in Frankenmom; sometimes I was torn between two incompatible ideals.

I thought I was OK because I didn’t compare myself to others. I could see that they had talents and faults just like me. But somehow I morphed all great things into Frankenmom. If Frankenmom can spend all her time on charity work, why couldn’t I? If her house was perfect, why not mine? If her relationships with everyone were wonderful, why not mine? If I knew someone could do it, why couldn’t I? I WANTED TO BECOME FRANKENMOM!!!
The biggest step to vanquishing Frankenmom was to acknowledge her existence. What made her a monster? No one can be perfect at everything. It was the discarded parts that would have given this monster human proportion. A great cook may have an untidy house. The spotless cleaner might be a terrible public speaker. The inspirational speaker might not recognize a sewing machine. And so on.

The next step was to decide on what talents I wanted to focus. Instead of letting the perfect woman, that terrible monster, loom over me, I turned to what I really wanted. Instead of worrying people may not mistake my home as Frankenmom’s lair, I began to buy things for my home simply because I liked them and, soon, my own style immerged. Instead of worrying I would be left out if I didn’t master all craft and homemaking skills like Frankenmom had, I focused on the ones that brought me the most joy. I started trying to understand the gospel at my level, acquiring knowledge and habits line upon line instead of being paralyzed by fear that people would see I wasn’t yet at Frankenmom’s level.

Sometimes Frankenmom still tries to force herself into my life. But now I see her for the monster she has always been. I am ME and I don’t want to be Frankenmom anymore!!

12 comments:

  1. Thank you I needed that, and to hear it from someone who I think has it all together, helps so much. I love ya!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks, that was great to read this morning as I stand in my messy kitchen, my unwashed hair in a pony tail, with a pile of stuff to do for Primary...

    ReplyDelete
  3. What an essay! Nice job. Problem for me is I desperately want to be Frankenmom and get incredibly frustrated that I'm not. I can't even fathom NOT wanting to be Frankenmom. Maybe when I come over you can intill some sense into my warped being.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ditto to Brookeh's comment!! Thanks for sharing!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Wow, thanks. It is so hard, especially as a Mother, to see the things you ARE good at and the things you ARE doing right. It is so easy to just sit after fighting your kids to go to bed and think, Man I did everything wrong again today. I do believe you must think every day what you can do better but I need to try harder not to dwell on what I am not. Anyway thanks for the thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
  6. For me, the important recognition is that Frankenmom is fictional. A friend of mine suggested that we randomly take pictures of our homes/family on any given day and email them to all the sisters in the ward so we can get a realistic view of what is really lurking under Sister White's table, or what Sister Smith's kids really looked like all day. I agree such photos would be comforting, because no one is Frankenmom and everyone's family still seems to be turning out just fine. (I've just been inspired for a new post on my own blog!)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think the hardest thing is that I feel my own mom is the closest thing to Frankenmom I have ever seen. I guess except for the yelling part. :-)

    I like that idea of randomly taking pictures and sending it to sisters in the ward!

    Thanks for the ok to sit here and not unpack my suitcase today!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Isn't it funny how we always assume everyone has it easier and more put together than we do?? It would be a nice place to just recognize our own talents and weaknesses and be okay knowing there are things we can improve.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Maybe I shouldn't talk to you so much, I didn't realize I was making you feel so bad by telling you about my life....J/K I think you are doing great (I kind of have to sat that too because we are so much alike!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. I finally had to tell my self that I was doing my best at what I could and couldn't do and that was all that I could do. It made life alot easier because I quite trying to be what I wasn't and do my best in what I was doing. My kids did turn out to be great. I guess it worked ok.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I'm a great frankenmom! I am sooo not fictional!

    ReplyDelete
  12. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh fffffrrreeaakkkkyyyy

    ReplyDelete