What I Should've Said...Was Nothing

With 6 kids in 10 years, it's no surprise, but probably worth some sympathy, that I have spent all but 6 months in the last dozen years changing diapers. Often times two kids at once. I consider myself a {reluctant} expert. No one ever wants to be an expert in this field: I can change a 10 wipee diaper with only 1 wipee (and that can even be half dried out), I can change a diaper without waking up (me or the kid), and I can withstand the smell of stinkiest diaper at least 5 times longer than the average person. Like I said, no one really wants my skills.

That is why the following story is so shocking. One day, as I was changing a particularly well used diaper on my youngest, my husband happened to be sitting near, watching. As I wiped, he began to say, "Why do you wipe that way, it would be much better if ..."

At that point he stopped, a look of panic crossing his face. I think his life flashed before his eyes, or at the very least a picture of the millions upon millions of diapers I have changed.

"Uh, um, well ... never mind."

But he had started the comment! He had the audacity to think it! Besides being a little irritated, I realized I'd been given a gift, something to hold over him. You think you can do a better job? Have you no respect for my years of diapering training? Want to take over full diapering duty? I gleefully imagined weeks of guilt leverage over this half comment, that is until the next day.

The next day was when my sweet hubby got a call from our friend with a simple medical question. I heard his half of the conversation and wondered about his advice. When he was done I asked him, "Are you sure that's what they should do?" He politely told me yes. "Really, shouldn't they be doing something else instead?" "Nope." "Really. Are you SURE?"

(Unlike my husband, I am slower to stop and think through my commentary.) Finally he stopped, looked at me and said, "What do you think I've been doing the last 6 years?" Suddenly my life flashed before my eyes, or at least the millions upon millions of hours Peter has spent in school, residency and the trenches of the Emergency Department. Not to mention the thousands of patients he's seen and hundreds of times he's treated those exact symptoms. Um, I think he might be better qualified to answer medical questions.

In one day I totally lost my leverage. I'm pretty sure my 5 minutes of pestering about his expertise was worse than his one observation he had the sense to stop midway. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I could have totally guilted him into cleaning the house that weekend; but no, I blew my "you don't respect what I do all day" capital the very next day.