Friday, March 13, 2009

What I Should've Said...Was Nothing

With 6 kids in 10 years, it's no surprise, but probably worth some sympathy, that I have spent all but 6 months in the last dozen years changing diapers. Often times two kids at once. I consider myself a {reluctant} expert. No one ever wants to be an expert in this field: I can change a 10 wipee diaper with only 1 wipee (and that can even be half dried out), I can change a diaper without waking up (me or the kid), and I can withstand the smell of stinkiest diaper at least 5 times longer than the average person. Like I said, no one really wants my skills.

That is why the following story is so shocking. One day, as I was changing a particularly well used diaper on my youngest, my husband happened to be sitting near, watching. As I wiped, he began to say, "Why do you wipe that way, it would be much better if ..."

At that point he stopped, a look of panic crossing his face. I think his life flashed before his eyes, or at the very least a picture of the millions upon millions of diapers I have changed.

"Uh, um, well ... never mind."

But he had started the comment! He had the audacity to think it! Besides being a little irritated, I realized I'd been given a gift, something to hold over him. You think you can do a better job? Have you no respect for my years of diapering training? Want to take over full diapering duty? I gleefully imagined weeks of guilt leverage over this half comment, that is until the next day.

The next day was when my sweet hubby got a call from our friend with a simple medical question. I heard his half of the conversation and wondered about his advice. When he was done I asked him, "Are you sure that's what they should do?" He politely told me yes. "Really, shouldn't they be doing something else instead?" "Nope." "Really. Are you SURE?"

(Unlike my husband, I am slower to stop and think through my commentary.) Finally he stopped, looked at me and said, "What do you think I've been doing the last 6 years?" Suddenly my life flashed before my eyes, or at least the millions upon millions of hours Peter has spent in school, residency and the trenches of the Emergency Department. Not to mention the thousands of patients he's seen and hundreds of times he's treated those exact symptoms. Um, I think he might be better qualified to answer medical questions.

In one day I totally lost my leverage. I'm pretty sure my 5 minutes of pestering about his expertise was worse than his one observation he had the sense to stop midway. If I had just kept my mouth shut, I could have totally guilted him into cleaning the house that weekend; but no, I blew my "you don't respect what I do all day" capital the very next day.

15 comments:

  1. Oh, what long-married wife isn't guilty of this stuff? We all question because, frankly, we remember when they didn't know anything about anything (and neither did we, to be fair). Sorry you lost your leverage. Maybe you can try guilting all those kids who made the nasty diapers into helping you :-)

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  2. You are too funny. It sounds like something that I do to my husband only regarding art not medicine. Let me know how you get those kids to clean up for you.

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  3. The nice thing about a lawyer husband is that I don't speak enough of his career "language" to ever get into this kind of pickle. Thanks for the laugh...I still think he at least owes you bathroom duty this weekend.

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  4. I love that picture of Peter! I guess Peter's week in your shoes made him a little cocky. Funny story!

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  5. Rob had the audacity to tell me this afternoon as I was putting Chloe down for a nap that there's no way she would ever go to sleep how I was doing it. Apparently he's the sleep expert. You know what, he's such an expert that I let him put the kids to bed whenever he's home.

    (For the record, she did go right to sleep...Imagine that!)

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  6. Wow, my hubby doesn't even stop half way into the statement and then we have the discussion of this is what I do all day, do you want me to come to your work and tell you how to sell better?. Maybe after 10+ years of marriage he will learn to stop before he finishes the statement.

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  7. The great thing about my husband being out of work for the last month? He's been home to change more than his fair share of diapers. I'm gonna miss that when he goes back to work.
    Sorry you lost your leverage though!

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  8. I love this one b/c I find myself doing that all the time. Getting leverage and then losing it. I hate it when that happens!!!

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  9. Yet somehow, Peter was the one willing to pose for a photo with duct tape on his mouth. You're too funny.

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  10. I think you needed the tape on your mouth and not his. We all think we know the best things to do. Anyway what about all the year of taking care of sick kids?

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  11. He he he he he, that is great!

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  12. I love the picture. Duct tape looks good on men and children...do you think it would look good with my children's sunday clothes? Although there are plenty of times when I could use it myself.

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  13. You gotta regret giving up diaper leverage. I'd still ask him to show you how to do it better next time a poopy diaper arrives.

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  14. The duct tape on Peter: he came home one morning after the night shift and was too tired to think straight. It was shameless of me to take advantage like that, wasn't it?

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