A couple months ago, ever optimistic about the approach of spring weather even in the frigid northeast, I bought a hammock. By optimistic I mean in complete denial because it wasn't warm enough to put up and enjoy until 2 weeks ago. Oh, it has been grand!! I sit in it and wonder how I ever survived summers without one: peacefully rocking while watching the kids and reading a book. When I am crowned complete ruler of the universe, my throne will be a hammock. (Drat! All this relaxation made me slip out my evil plans)
My children have also loved this new toy. My children enjoying peaceful relaxation? No, they think it has replaced our trampoline. I looked outside the other day and they were taking turns running full blast into the hammock and flipping it around to land underneath. This would be fine if the hammock and stand were made out of unbreakable material and the children's bones were made out of rubber. (I would wish for them to be unbreakable, too but it already hurts when they accidentally run into me, step on me, and/or roll their arm over and hit me while sleeping; unbreakable bones would make this worse so I'll keep wishing for rubber.)
So, practicing my ruling skills for my eventual universal domination, I went out and lectured about proper hammock usage. They stopped the hammock circus, or at least figured out how to do it when I'm not looking.
Actually, the "proper hammock usage" lecture has been given a lot since I put it up. Since it is large enough to hold two big people or three little ones, they are constantly getting in and out. "You have to give warning before climbing off, you're going to make us tip!" "Don't lean too far to the side, you're going to flip us!" "Be careful climbing on, I have to scoot over first!" (all repeated 100 times).
The other day my husband and I were reading in the hammock, our heads at either end, while the kids played. I was telling him my adventures to date with the hammock. "Why, oh why, can't the kids learn to be careful? They are going to flip me off this hammock. It isn't that hard to be careful." As I laughed at my kids' inability to properly use the hammock, I went to grab my book off the ground, upsetting the balance and flipping the hammock over. We both sat stunned on the ground.
Days of rough housing on the hammock. Numerous on and off patterns. Warnings without end. Who has sustained injury so far? Me. My husband. My dignity. Maybe my kids should teach me proper hammock usage. I wish my bones were made of rubber.
Have you ever lectured about the dangers of something only to be caught as the one breaking the rules?