Thursday, June 4, 2009

Phone lines and aliens don't mix. Or do they?

I almost called Coast to Coast last week. You know- the midnight aliens-are-among-us radio show. Why would I have cause to call? Had I decided to start wearing a tinfoil hat or did I decide the Earth really is flat? Well, something like that.

You see it all started when my husband called me while at work. That is strange in itself, but nothing to cause worry. There was a lot of background noise, but he does work in the Emergency Department (which isn't exactly well known for calmness). A couple minutes into our conversation a female voice yelled out, as though on the line with us, "You will NOT throw stinky diapers at me!" Now this is odd. Very odd. My husband and I both heard it. Odder still, this is exactly what I had yelled at Matthew that morning.

--- Matthew thought it would be funny to take an all night wet in diaper and toss is at Joseph. Joseph mistakenly thought screeching and running around would discourage his younger brother. Instead it caused several more tosses and an eventual hit on me. I was on the computer that diaper gave into the stress by exploding pee filled crystals all over me. I am pretty sure he will never try it again.---

How, you may ask, did that phrase travel through time and into my phone line? I didn't know. Wire tapping? Warp in the space-time continuum? Tinfoil hats on a flat earth? All I know is it was WAY freakier than when we saw the UFO.

--- One day we were driving to Utah and saw a bright fire fly across the sky and crash over the mountain. Way too big and low to be a meteor, we thought a plane had crashed. We immediately called my parents in the valley and asked. They called the TV news who reported nothing had hit. Not a plane, not a meteor. Nothing. But we were the third call about something flying across the sky appearing to crash into the valley. Never did figure that one out ---

Having no viable explanation for this glitch in time I did what anyone would do. I ignored it. And while ignoring it thoroughly considered joining the ranks of Coast to Coast callers. Luckily I am quite reluctant to show my craziness to the public (Hey, that wasn't a joke, I'm serious. Stop laughing!) plus it is hard to call about something I'm completely ignoring.

A few days later I tried to call Peter at home while I was out shopping. After a few rings, the phone was answered. All I could here was a lot of background noise. Like someone picked up the phone, set it down and walked away. Curious I listened longer. A few minutes into the call I heard myself yell to Matthew about throwing diapers. And then I heard the beep. Somehow I had managed to accidentally hit the record greeting button. For the last several days anyone reaching my answering machine could hear minutes of background noise and an embarrassing exclamation. I was naturally thrilled.

I remembered Peter complaining that one of the kids kept answering the phone and not saying anything. I asked around and other people had experienced the same. I think (hope) I was the only one who listened till the end. It was probably 3 minutes before something was said (yelled).

Mystery solved, no matter how embarrassing. Of course maybe the aliens in tinfoil hats, bitter that our Earth is really flat, hit that record button for kicks. Coast to Coast, here I come!


  1. You should write one of those choose-your-own-ending-mystery books. I totally would've gone with the alien theory before I ever would've picked embarrassing recorded greeting.

    and diaper crystals on the computer? ewww...

    and I like your crazy. I'm glad you shared it with the public :)

  2. Ha ha! What a funny story. I wish I'd been fortunate enough to call your answering machine during that time and be part of the fun. And I agree, diaper crystals, gross.

  3. ucmama- I was leaning toward space-time continuum warping myself. I agree, diaper crystals are gross. And deceptively hard to clean. It missed the computer and keyboard (mostly hitting me) and I disinfected everything.

    kim- It took so long most people gave up way before the yelling (figuring one the little kids had answered and walked away). Then if they would get a busy signal if they tried to call back in the next 5 minutes because the message was so long! I only listened because I happened to have the little kids with me so I knew it must be the machine.

  4. I would like to note that I tried to get a picture of Peter wearing the tinfoil hat while sleeping, but he woke up enough to prevent me so I used myself instead.

  5. Yet another reason I have to be secretly glad I don't know jack about all our electronic things. Hee-lar-ious.

    And I always hated those little pee crystals. Nasty! Thanks for telling this story..........

  6. That was a great story!

  7. Hilarious! I think you can rest assured that no one made it to the end of the answering machine greeting - otherwise you would have gotten a message that was jus hysterical laughter!

  8. Oh man, you HAD me. I had a least 12 conspiracy theories line up as explanations for hearing you yelling like that. I'm very disappointed in not getting to tell you about at least half of them.

  9. I have to admit that I was hopeful that a white trash brawl had started up at the hospital behind Peter where the young unwed mother of 3 was yelling at her new boyfriend not to throw diapers at her and it was just a coincidence that you had said the same phrase earlier.

    LOVE the fact that you tried to put the hat on Pete!

    I HATE diaper crystals (by the way don't ever try to vacuum them will probably ruin your vacuum and make it smell like pee every time you vacuum and you will have to buy a new one, even if your husband takes the whole thing apart to try to clean it) Not that I have ever done anything that gross!

  10. Charlotte, please be considerate enough not to comment about putting tin foil hats on your husband in his sleep and taking pictures while I'm taking a sip of hot chocolate. I nearly had my own mess to clean up.

    thank you :)

    And I always liked A Wrinkle in Time...

  11. Kimberly- only the truly great mothers know how awful those crystals are.

    Jamie- Thanks! Your mention of UFO's a while back reminded me about our experience.

    Claudia- You're absolutely right. That gives me hope no one knows. (Except all of you guys).

  12. NOBODY- just work on the ones for the UFO we saw. Never figured that out. I mean it was big enough we thought it was a plane.

    Davis Family- You know I was thinking about you the whole time. Have you ever blogged that story, because it is AWESOME.

    ucmama- I will try hard not to mention trying to take embarrassing photos of my husband while sleeping, but I can't promise anything. Maybe next time I'll try women's underwear. Oops...already broke my promise. Sorry.

    I love A Wrinkle in Time, too!!

  13. I've had two close encounters. One was on my way to a 4th of July activity in Sandy Utah and the other was while I was chaperioning a girls camp.

    I hope in the next life there are DVD of such moments with chapters, because there are some I'd like to skip, but those two - I'd love to see what really happened.

  14. Charlotte, when I first saw you tin foiled hat, I thought perhaps you were just missing living near Hersy Pennsylvania or maybe just having a chocolate moment!

  15. I've listened to that radio show... some of those callers are hilariously creepy.

    I saw something similar to what you described with the bright lights... it was in Chicagoland, and there were 5 of those lights. It did, however, make the news the next day.


  16. How crazy! That would have freaked me out. I HATE diaper crystals! Ewwww. I am sure that was a fun one for you.
    Love the pic!

  17. Dad- you'll be too busy seeing who was wrong or right in every argument you've ever had to worry about UFOs!!

    MMB- creepy but fascinating

    Boyer family- I tried to ignore it so I wouldn't freak out, I was even going to blog about it, but the answer came before I have time.

    Steph- Thanks!

  18. That is absolutely hilarious. I was quite disappointed to hear that no one heard that message. I think I'll start calling more frequently when I know you're not home just to see what you're yelling these days.

    I learned about pee crystals the day I lazily dropped a morning diaper over the banister so I wouldn't have to carry it downstairs. Yeah, that saved me a lot of time. (Note: cloth diapers don't have nasty pee crystals).