Friday, September 18, 2009

What Happens When ED Doctors Eat Together

Our first night in NYC Peter and I attended a recruiting dinner for his company. Not only did we get to eat at a fancy restaurant, I had the entertainment of listening to conversations in a room full of emergency room doctors. Are you ready to replay the evening?

We got out of the gate a little slowly: because we arrived there early, the only other people present were a couple other directors of emergency rooms run by Peter’s company. Conversation topics included “what computer system is your site running?”, “what is your volume these days?”, and “did you hear how many doctor hours that ED staffs every day?"

Luckily the residents finally arrived and conversation quickened to an exciting pace. We steered our way through various odd topics. Comparing the weirdest way they’d witnessed someone intake drugs (shooting heroine directly into the radial artery) naturally turned to the oddest arm cases treated (an industrial power washer hitting the arm and shooting it full of water). Somehow this topic turned the conversation toward the “regulars”. Every ED has them. Every ED doctor (and nurse) knows them by name. It can be entertaining to compare the creativity your regular’s pain meds seeking excuses with regulars in other cities.

Unfortunately the conversation stalled for a while on what sort of ultrasound equipment is used/preferred/disliked in their departments. But not to worry, it sped up again when they started talking about appropriate names to call unwilling consultants, which would be inappropriate to tell here. (You imagine what you would call a urologist who refuses to see a patient in your department.) Then there were the reasons they’d been written up before. (Can you believe that sometimes an emergency room doctor loses his/her cool? Peter apparently asked a patient’s husband once were he got his medical degree).

Naturally the conversation meandered through favorite reverse discrepancies (mostly they focused on when the nighttime radiologist resident reads a test one way and the next morning the attending radiologist reads it differently. The ED doctor must then call the patient and tell them their initial diagnosis was wrong. Turns out ED doctors HATE that!) Sounds sort of boring, but you’re talking about brain bleeds, broken bones, and any number of reasons to get CAT scans and X-rays.

The conversation ended on the not so high note of favorite intubation tools. Yawn? Um, they are talking about how to jam tubes and scopes down people’s throats. I may have had no idea what the names of the equipment were or understood what they were doing once they started speaking in pure medical terminology, but I did find it extremely entertaining to watch the eyes around the table brighten as increasingly bizarre techniques and/or equipment were mentioned. Protected airways never seemed more exciting.

And that was the journey of dinner last night. If you can’t take words like cadaver, blood, puke, septic, or anal exam while eating, never attend a dinner party exclusively made up of doctors.

24 comments:

  1. Sounds umh interesting. Hope the food was good.

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  2. I love it. I picture you taking long sips of your soda while perusing the room with only your eyeballs. Sounds like delectable dinner conversation. Yum. But you did get a really good meal out of it, right?

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  3. The food was delicious! I have long ago lost all sensitivity to listening to gross conversations while eating, so it didn't bother me at all. I can even watch Discovery Health while masticating.

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  4. I always feel bad when Claudia needs to endure a bunch of tax law nerds talking shop. She has a great "party smile" that only I know means "I am trying to look sincerely interested but you are boring the #$!! out of me." Sounds like you had a good time regardless of the conversation.

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  5. Joshua, I have that same smile. A lot of times they'll lapse into medical jargon and I can't follow a single word (actually it seems like they're talking in letters at that point). My look has to cover up boredom and confusion and eye rolling, all at the same time.

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  6. Wow - sounds like quite the night! But I must know, what do the doctors (and wives) manage to eat while talking about this stuff? I assume anything with marinara sauce is out...

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  7. Your party smile covers boredom and confusion? I must take lessons...

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  8. Oh no, I've seen them talk about cadavers while eating steak and puss while eating pudding. There is no limit.

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  9. I have the smile, but I don't think I've perfected it yet. It has to be better than the "deer in the headlights" look I used to use!

    The worst part is that I'm sure they're talking about a naked drunk running through the hallways or something else as interesting, if only they would use words I could understand.

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  10. Yup Yup Yup. Always great to get around doctors. And since my father in law is also a physician, every time we get together it's "Blah blah septic blah blah amputation blah blah blah blah blah. Pass the gravy."

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  11. Dinner conversations with Peter around are never dull, irregardless of how many other doctors are in the room.

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  12. Kimberly and Kim, it is amazing how desensitized one can get. I will be eating and following the conversation and only occasionally think about how odd it is that it isn't bothering me.

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  13. I would do perfectly well in that dinner. Those words are already present in our dinner conversations. Must be because I come from a big family.
    Were other wives present?
    At least the food was good.

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  14. I am working on that same look for when Ben lapses into his jargon. Good thing he is not an MD because I don't think I'd survive these dinner parties.

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  15. sounds awesome! I would love to listen to all the stories!

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  16. I honestly think it would be COOL to hear those stories! Of course I probably wouldn't have understood when they started using medical terminology.

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  17. At least they didn't show how to practice new or different techniques on their dinner. Or did they?

    AN ARM FULL OF WATER?!?

    My dad is a paramedic. We had to ask him to stop telling us stories over dinner.

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  18. Of course, I would read his trauma textbooks over my morning cereal before school, so I'm not really sure I'm exhibiting the correct level of shock at this post.

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  19. I have a name for the urologist (cover your ears!!) "P*** ant!"

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  20. Wow... You had me until puke.

    I guess I will stick to dinner parties with my kids. Or wait... the conversation is almost the same. LOL

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  21. Sounds entertaining to me...can I come next time? I'll buy my own dinner!

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  22. Ambrosia- Normally there are other wives there, so I have someone to talk to when they flip to total jargon, but this dinner we were seated with 4 single guys.

    Bikmans- Having a toddler help prepare you to handle gross conversations.

    Boyer Family & Mom at Our House- Peter never tells me his interesting stories, I have to wait till these dinners to hear them.

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  23. ucmama- he used to medical school. I have a feeling you would do just fine at these dinner parties.

    AEP- remarkable close to the names they came up with.

    Steph- amazingly similar to conversations with teenage boys, only bigger words.

    Shalise- if you come out to visit us I promise whatever dinner conversations you would like.

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  24. That post had me rolling. Mr. V liked it too. I never thought of it before, but doctors need to vent, too, and the topics they vent about would be just like this!

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