Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Mom, this piggyback's for you

I remember the moment quite distinctly. I can’t tell you what I was doing or wearing or even the exact date. It isn’t that sort of memory. What I remember is the thought, simple enough and yet paradigm shifting: I realized that I have distinct memories of my mother in her thirties, my age.

It couldn’t be true! I remember my mother was old, she had it all figured out. She could do anything, fix anything, make anything. When she didn’t do something, it was because she didn’t want to do it. She was the master of her universe (and mine, too).

But me, in my thirties I’m still figuring things out. I make mistakes ALL THE TIME. I have a list of things I need to do so long I know it won’t all be done. And the things I’d like to do? Don’t get me started. I’m learning and changing all the time.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood. My children need me to love them, help them, fix their problems, show them attention. Constantly. I panic that I cannot live up to the ideal they’ve unconsciously set for me and they'll realize their mistake. (I know that I will have a different battle as they grow older, but they are still young and adoring now).


And then I looked at my daughter, almost the exact age I would have been when my memories of my mother became clear. And I realized she had the same utter confidence in my abilities. If she thinks of me the same way I thought of my mom, could my mom at 32 have felt the same way I do now?

Remembering my mother taught me something. Doing my best is good enough. It doesn’t matter than I can’t do everything and fix everything. It doesn’t even matter that I make mistakes sometimes. What matters is that I am there for my children, trying everyday, loving them every day. I don’t remember my mom failing, but I remember feeling secure in her love for me.

On a side note, what is it about moms? Even though in my head I know she is a fallible person, I still believe she can fix everything for me. Can’t get my Christmas PJ’s finished? She’ll mail them to me. Advise for the kids? She is the go to person. When she is coming to visit I count down the days till she comes and makes everything better. When she leaves I’ll have a clean house, happy children, and projects finished.

Maybe, after my children are finished being teenagers, their childhood adoration and dependence will mature to appreciation and gratitude as mine has (I wouldn’t mind some less-dependant adoration, either).

So today when my youngest asks me for the 300 billionth time for a “peacock” ride, I will think of my mom and my childhood memories and my respect for her and let him climb on my back one more time. Mom, this piggyback ride’s for you.

13 comments:

  1. What a great tribute to your mom! I actually had a similar feeling the other day, kind of a 'I'm not old enough for this parenting thing' feeling. Seems like my parents were so much smarter than I am now. I've started to get the 3-yr-old 'why?' questions, and I am already stumped.

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  2. to cute! You are a great daughter.

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  3. Wow what can I say? I felt that way about my mother too. Those are kind words you said, I really did try my best and do all that I could to make you happy. I love coming and being in your home with your children. You were a great daughter and continue to be a great daughter, mother, wife and friends. Thanks Love you

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  4. I don't remember thinking of my mom as infallible. I just took it for granted. A few dropped "d" words during my childhood helped me realize she was still human and learning. But I still always respected her and wanted to be smart like her, balance everything life throws at a person like she did, be a supportive wife like she is, and love my children like she loved us.

    At first (and second) glance I thought that last picture was of you and one of your children. Then I wondered why you were wearing that shirt? And I didn't think you had wood-paneled walls. Or a daughter that young anymore! What a great picture of you and your mom. You look so much like her!

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  5. Awesome post! Gotta love Moms!!

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  6. I dont think you could have picked a worse picture of me in my childhood (other than that one where we had just cut our hair and were posing like models) Mom was great. I am still not conviced thought that she had as many faults as we (or at least I) do. She was really on top of it. I am glad to have her as my mother even still...I too look forward to her visits to get a bunch of stuff done :)

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  7. What a great post. I feel the same way about my mom. I have the clearest memories of my mother when she was in her 30's too. I would have been 10 when she turned 30, the same age as my oldest... I wonder if my daughter feels the same way about me as I did (do) my mom.

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  8. What a great tribute to your Mom. Thanks for helping me reflect on my parenting and my Mother. I just have to add your mom is awesome. She is such a loving person. I love then pictures.

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  9. Charlotte- I can no longer read your posts at work. I did it today in the faculty lounge and found myself crying as others walked by. I adore this post. You are such an excellent writer! Thanks!

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  10. I think at least once a day that I need to try to be the Mom that Mom was to me. She really was and is the perfect example. I don't know where I would be without her.
    That is a pretty bad picture of Brenda. Your baby sister is really cute though.

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  11. Those Bodily girls are great moms, huh! I hope everyday that I can be half the mom to my daughter that my mom was to me. She set the bar pretty high! I was talking with a friend yesterday about how funny it is that we never stop depending on our moms.

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  12. I recognize the family in the first picture!

    This is a beautiful post. I feel similarly about my mom having it all together when I feel like I'm guessing 90% of the time myself.

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  13. What a sweet post and so true for lots of us I think. I can't wait to see my Mom...two days.

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