Friday, September 26, 2008

10 Reasons Outhouses are a Good Idea Part 1

*WARNING- Andrea (and anyone else who has thought I posted something gross before) DO NOT READ THIS POST*


When Peter first entered residency, we bought a little half of a duplex. It was a wonderful home, but did have some flaws. Like the fact that it had only one small bathroom. And the toilet was broken. For almost 2 years. Anyone who visited during this time will gladly attest.

It could only be flushed if a particular amount of water was poured into the bowl at a particular time in the flush cycle, while uttering particular phrases about the fact that my husband hadn’t fixed the toilet yet.

In all fairness he was working 300 hours a week averaging, with residency pay, about 50 cents an hour (causing a lack of both time and money).

This is why I have no guilt about buying our next house with four full bathrooms. And no guilt about leasing this house with 5 bathrooms (4 full, one half and one room with just a tub). That means we are currently in possession of 9 bathrooms. I’m still not sure if that makes up for the 2 years of half a toilet, but it is a start.

But I digress. The point of this post is to tell you why I am done with toilets, not why I seem to collect them. The bathrooms in this house are as follows:

1-Half bath in basement
2-Guest bathroom
3-Jack and Jill Bathroom between boys’ rooms
4-Bathroom connected to girls’ room
5-Room with nothing in it but a huge bathtub
6-Master bathroom

Over the few months we have lived here I have noticed use of certain bathrooms to be dwindling:

1-Half bath in basement

This bathroom is a little creepy; I don’t think any of us have used it.


2-Guest bathroom

Someone flushed an unknown object down the toilet and it no longer flushes without several minutes with a plunger- it only took two weeks of threatening to convince the kids they ought not use this toilet.


3-Jack and Jill Bathroom between boys’ rooms

I think that, like my dishwasher and clothes washer, bathrooms predominately used by males should have a sanitary cycle. I should be able to shut the door and let super hot water wash and sanitize everything. This is the alternative one woman found to the not yet designed sanitary boys’ bathroom cycle.


4-Bathroom connecting to girls’ room

Without getting into details, this bathroom is grosser than the boys’ room. Not the least enhanced by the fact that you have to go through the girls’ less than spotless room to enter their bathroom. Since I think the mess has surpassed the abilities of all but the most seasoned veteran, I am hoping to attack this issue myself next week (if you don’t hear from me you’ll know I was killed by either noxious fumes or rebelling piles of junk, clothes, & garbage).


5-Room with nothing in it but a huge bathtub

This bathroom has no toilet. I think this may not have stopped my 4 year old, though.


6-Master bathroom

The only room left. Due to the fact that I clean the other bathrooms and know what gets done to them, I always exclusively use this bathroom. I have been known to disappear for extended periods. If it weren’t for the fact that I need to have feeling in my legs, it would be longer periods. If you don’t understand you must not have 500 people asking you to do 500 things 500 times a day. It was a sad day when I discovered everyone else was also using this bathroom.

This leads me to my point. Since there are no immediate plans to de-creep the basement, call a plumber, design a sanitary cycle bathroom, or get killed by noxious fumes, I have decided we need to reinstitute the use of outhouses. Once I realized the necessity of this move, I started thinking of all the side benefits.

(This post was originally the first half a post entitled Ten Reasons Outhouses are a Good Idea.  I split it into two for easier linking purposes.  Turns out I have lots of need to link to my ideas about outhouses.  You can read the 2nd half here)

13 comments:

  1. Charlotte...that is funny. It is a desperate time when an outhouse seems preferable to a regular bathroom. And I will attest to that terrible PA bathroom...that we all shared for so long, anything has to be better than that!

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  2. I am so with you on an outhouse!! We rent a town home while in school and the main floor bathroom smells like pee all the time. I have a habbit these days of just going in and pouring bleach around the toilet on the floor. The bleach burns my eyes and then starts to fill the whole house. And, as soon as I clean it up, it smells like pee again within a day or two. One thing I pretty much do every time I use the bathroom is spray it with a bleach bathroom cleaner and clean at least the seat. Although I have often wondered why someone hasn't invented and/or made mainstream the whole idea of a bathroom that you can simply close the door, push a button, and it sanitizes--possibly like a dishwasher.

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  3. That is a LOT of bathrooms to clean. Wow!

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  4. I love reason #2 with your 4 yr old's commentary. Priceless. And #3 is too true for me to find funny.

    Actually, they HAVE created a self cleaning bathroom. However, I heard about it when I was in high school so apparently it hasn't particularly caught on. Not sure why - I would love one.

    They have those automatic shower cleaners. Try putting one opposite the toilet and see how it works.

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  5. WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN ME NOT TO READ THIS POST??? THAT WAS DISGUSTING!!

    Loved the self-cleaning bathroom idea. If I could do that Barlow would definitely only be able to use that one. You'd think by 26 you'd learn how to aim. Which reminds me, I need to go clean my bathrooms. I hate cleaning bathrooms.

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  6. OK I have to admit, I knew the warning would FORCE you to read that post. Reverse psychology and all that. Otherwise, how could I get you to read a post about outhouses?

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  7. Wait a minute...you mean to tell me that everyone out there cleans their bathrooms...Guess I should give it a try. I have tried everything to cover up that all lasting pee smell and now I associate most "cleaner" smells with pee so they now all smell bad to me.

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  8. My grandpa actually had a house that had one! It was disgusting and it always scared the mess out of me when I was little that something was going to jump up and grab me!! We always went to el baƱo before we went to his house! He he!! Good idea though!! =0)

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  9. Since aiming hasn't caught on in my husband's 32 years, I'm just giving up on that.

    Last year at Education Week, I attended a cleaning class where they talked about easing the pain of cleaning bathrooms. The teacher gave a prize to the mom with the most sons; she had eight! Their tip was to install a wall-mount toilet, which is much easier to clean. My trick was to hire a professional bathroom cleaner who also was a nurse. She used hospital cleaning products to clean my bathrooms, and it was only $15 per bathroom! Even she couldn't get the urine smell completely out of the bathroom, but she suggested I replace my wooden toilet seat with a plastic or painted one. Also, urine hides out on the back behind where the tank connects to the toilet. I found that out when I disconnected the toilet from the floor this summer. That one little spot can keep everything stinky, but it's pretty easy to reach.

    Happy cleaning--or hiring!

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  10. Oh, the wisest words I ever did hear. I think I like those European street bathrooms that cost money. They do that fancy sani-cycle after each use...and you could make money off your own kids while we're at it (though truth be told they would probably steal the money out of our very own wallets or better yet, find another place to deposit their "waste".)

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  11. Uck bathroom cleaning. Try cleaning on up after a 51 year old brother in law who has no aim what so ever. It is sooooooo gross. I can't stand a smelly bathroom. My vote in not for an outhouse. I agree with Kim the bathroom in PA was terrible.

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  12. Too funny!
    We have 2 1/2 baths but I always stick to the one in my bedroom. My husband thinks I am crazy for always running upstairs.
    My son never once tried to play in the toilet or with the toilet brush but I can't keep my daughter away from them.

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  13. When I was growing up we were building our house and we didn't have running water for several months, but there were trees. I finally took some scrap wood and built a portable stool, which was nice because it kept your shoes much cleaner.

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