Never Sew Maternity Clothes

I see that you are domestically inclined. Maybe even considering sewing your own maternity clothes? First let me tell you my cautionary tale.

It takes great talent to make maternity clothes that do not resemble gigantic tents. I would argue that it might actually be more effective to head over to sporting goods, buy a tent, cut holes for your head and arms, and wear that. The tent’s storage bag makes a nice matching purse and you can even use the poles to prod your children from the comfort of your couch.


Of course you may be a better seamstress. You might look better pregnant (chances are pretty high). You might even have enough style to pick a print that looks good in tent size. But there is more to this tale than just that one warning.

Several years ago I went a little crazy. Proof? I was pregnant for a 6th time, it was Easter, and I decided to make matching dresses for me and the girls. All went well, more or less. In an effort to look less tent-like, I choose my pattern with a skirt and top. When I sewed the skirt, there was an interesting maternity panel; it called for stretchy material around the top of the skirt. No elastic or anything. Sounds comfortable, right? And it was. Easter was wonderful. I finally pulled off a successful home sewn maternity outfit!

A few weeks later we went on a trip up to our old home in Pennsylvania. Since the trip included a Sunday, we packed church clothes so we could visit our old congregation. Of course I packed our new Easter outfits. I wanted to match so we wouldn’t get lost, not so I would look like a domestic diva. No really. Why would someone want to show off like that?

So we went to church. Everyone oowed and awed over how adorable our family looked. This was a surprise and totally not why I dressed my family that way. Everyone gave the necessary congratulations on our upcoming baby. And after the main meeting we chatted in the foyer with old friends. And then my youngest, in an attempt to get my attention, tugged on my skirt’s hem.

You know those dreams where you find yourself in public wearing just your underwear? Well, at least I was wearing a slip. Yes, I found myself standing in the middle of church with my skirt around my ankles. Even though I couldn’t see my face, I still laugh about the look on it. What to do, what to do? Melt to the floor in mortification? Buy a paper bag to permanently wear over my head? Be thankful we were visiting and I didn’t have to come back next week? Look up a lawyer to sue the pattern company for negligent humiliation?

I reached down, pulled up my skirt, and laughed. That’s what I get for trying to show off. I mean, that’s NOT why I was wearing that skirt that day, but if it were the reason, I would have gotten what I deserved. And it was pretty funny. How often do you get to undress in front of the pious?

Of course I never wore that skirt again, will never sew another maternity outfit, and deeply, deeply understand the necessity of elastic in sewing.