Monday, October 13, 2008

Never Sew Maternity Clothes

I see that you are domestically inclined. Maybe even considering sewing your own maternity clothes? First let me tell you my cautionary tale.

It takes great talent to make maternity clothes that do not resemble gigantic tents. I would argue that it might actually be more effective to head over to sporting goods, buy a tent, cut holes for your head and arms, and wear that. The tent’s storage bag makes a nice matching purse and you can even use the poles to prod your children from the comfort of your couch.


Of course you may be a better seamstress. You might look better pregnant (chances are pretty high). You might even have enough style to pick a print that looks good in tent size. But there is more to this tale than just that one warning.

Several years ago I went a little crazy. Proof? I was pregnant for a 6th time, it was Easter, and I decided to make matching dresses for me and the girls. All went well, more or less. In an effort to look less tent-like, I choose my pattern with a skirt and top. When I sewed the skirt, there was an interesting maternity panel; it called for stretchy material around the top of the skirt. No elastic or anything. Sounds comfortable, right? And it was. Easter was wonderful. I finally pulled off a successful home sewn maternity outfit!

A few weeks later we went on a trip up to our old home in Pennsylvania. Since the trip included a Sunday, we packed church clothes so we could visit our old congregation. Of course I packed our new Easter outfits. I wanted to match so we wouldn’t get lost, not so I would look like a domestic diva. No really. Why would someone want to show off like that?

So we went to church. Everyone oowed and awed over how adorable our family looked. This was a surprise and totally not why I dressed my family that way. Everyone gave the necessary congratulations on our upcoming baby. And after the main meeting we chatted in the foyer with old friends. And then my youngest, in an attempt to get my attention, tugged on my skirt’s hem.

You know those dreams where you find yourself in public wearing just your underwear? Well, at least I was wearing a slip. Yes, I found myself standing in the middle of church with my skirt around my ankles. Even though I couldn’t see my face, I still laugh about the look on it. What to do, what to do? Melt to the floor in mortification? Buy a paper bag to permanently wear over my head? Be thankful we were visiting and I didn’t have to come back next week? Look up a lawyer to sue the pattern company for negligent humiliation?

I reached down, pulled up my skirt, and laughed. That’s what I get for trying to show off. I mean, that’s NOT why I was wearing that skirt that day, but if it were the reason, I would have gotten what I deserved. And it was pretty funny. How often do you get to undress in front of the pious?

Of course I never wore that skirt again, will never sew another maternity outfit, and deeply, deeply understand the necessity of elastic in sewing.

16 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing that story. It made me laugh out loud. I do feel sorry for you with your embarrassing situation, but at the same time it is so funny. Hey, at least you attempted to sew some clothes, I am too chicken!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I worry that will happen to me every time I wear yoga pants. It nearly has a few times!

    ReplyDelete
  3. You never told me that happened. I laughed so hard my stomach hurts. That is the funniest story yet. I loved it. The outfits were so cute too.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The outfits are very cute, and I've made a mental note about the elastic...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Ha ha! I had a moment like that yesterday, but fortunately it was with my pajama bottoms at home. Unfortunately Camille thought it was so hilarious that she and Chloe kept chasing me around trying to pull them down again. But at least there was no real audience.

    ReplyDelete
  6. That is a riot. I had never heard that story either. Too funny. Once in church in Sandy I was giving a talk and my slip fell down. Talk about distracting yourself during a talk. I shuffled to my seat when it was over and gracefully tried to pull it up without people noticing.

    ReplyDelete
  7. After I wrote the story I thought to myself, "You know, I don't think I've ever told anyone that happened." Since we were on vacation, I wasn't around people I see regularly and it isn't something you bring up randomly. "Guess what happened to me last weekend. . . "

    But I guess it is something you would tell the whole world on your blog. Go figure.

    ReplyDelete
  8. OH MY GOSH that is so funny!! I am so paranoid about that happening, but for me it is usually one of the kids grabbing my shirt and pulling it down to expose all.
    I (and by "I" I mean Barlow owns them and I steal them) have these breakaway pants that unbutton every time I get out of the car and there have been some very close calls... but I keep wearing them...

    ReplyDelete
  9. That's pretty hilarious- too bad you didn't have a picture of the moment for the blog! I'm also thoroughly impressed by your sewing skills- I personally, have none!
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ha Ha Ha Ha, I dont think I will ever stop laughing...first there is your funny pull the skirt down story...then Kim's slip falling down durring a talk....then Andrea saying that she is worried about her kids exposing her "top" and then saying that Barlow owns "them"!! What a great way to start the day :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Did it sound like I said Barlow owns my boobs???? Not what I meant, but if it is funny then I'll take credit. But don't go putting ideas in Barlow's head.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Your comment didn't sound that way, but Brenda made it seem so (and I read hers first so I thought you might have said it).

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wasn't it Andrea who said at her bridal shower that Barlow was first attracted to her boobs? Now he owns them? Too funny. Kims slip is so funny too. I had my panty hose fall below my skirt in the twenty fourth of July parade. It happened right in front of the television camera and we were doing our marching routine. Try pulling those up without being seen.

    ReplyDelete
  14. How embarrassing! But funny since it did not happen to me. :-)
    I do think the outfits were cute, even the offending skirt.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I think you should get pregnant and try again. I'd like to see your striptease in our own little halls.
    If you really want a challenge, try sewing your own bridesmaid dress when you are pregnant with twins!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hahahaha! I found this post from clicking on the links to previous posts. :) I must admit I was laughing so hard by the time I reached the sentence about visiting friends in PA. We weren't in York 2 anymore, but someone had told me about the incident. You are famous! And all the more loved for it. :) York definitely misses the Later family.
    Hope you are having an un-eventful move!
    Have a Merry Christmas!

    ReplyDelete